Life Advice From Old People

Pearls of Wisdom

2011-05-04T10:56:00.000-07:00

I know, I know... I said I was done. But, "just when I thought I was out... they pull me back in."

I received an email from someone working with a British charity called Jewish Care, which helps support struggling Jews, mainly in London and South East England. They put together a campaign called Pearls of Wisdom, which (to quote them), "aims to change the perception of elderly people in society and encourage the younger generation to recognise and engage with the wisdom and life experiences that our elders have to offer."

I wanted to ignore the email--I'm juggling enough projects as it is--but after seeing the video I had to share it. The HD images are beautiful and the video's really charming. I think that might be the first time I've used charming in a sentence. At least in that context. I'm not sure how I feel about it. But I am sure about how I feel about this video. Check out the two minute version below. If you're interested in seeing more, go to their YouTube site: http://www.youtube.com/user/JewishCareCharity

Time To Say Goodbye:

2011-02-12T21:52:00.000-08:00

I've written over 100 posts and interviewed almost as many old people... and I think it's time to say goodbye. I'll leave the site up--maybe I'll even update it every once in a blue moon--but it's time for me to move on. If anyone wants to add their own videos and keep this project going, email me at: lifeadvicefrom@gmail.com and I'd be happy to post your videos and stories on the site.

I think I've asked enough people for advice--and if there's anything I've learned through all of this, it's that I'm doing all right so far. I'm happily married, I have the greatest kid in the world, and I like most of the choices I've made for myself. I've made mistakes--and I'll make many more--but I'll keep trying to better myself. And I'm not afraid to ask for help when I need it. I have friends whose careers I envy, and they look at me and envy my family. We joke about how we each have our struggles. But rather than complain (fine, I complain... but rather than often complain), I just keep working harder. And I've decided to start a new project to help all of my friends who aren't happy being single.

My new blog is called mysinglepeeps.com and I will try at least once a week to post a new single person on my site, and hopefully they can find someone to love and spend the rest of their lives with. In the short time it's been active, I've already set up many friends with dates. If I could see even just one happy marriage come out of this, I'd be ecstatic.

I'm so thankful to all of you from all over the world who have written to me, written about me, or just quietly enjoyed the advice of those who are in the final chapters of their lives. This has been a really rewarding experience for me. I wish the best to all of you.

-seth menachem

The Actor:

2011-02-12T21:30:00.000-08:00

I was in a one-act play that my father-in-law, Roy, wrote. It was a comedy where I play a pickpocket at a train station who tries to rob an old lady—it ends with her turning the tables on me, conning me out of all my loot, and scaring me away from her territory.

It wasn’t the smoothest run as the old lady in the play, Shannon—who has been acting since she was eight-years-old—couldn’t remember her lines. It’s a problem she says she’s never had. But she had a lot of lines—some of them monologues—and not a lot of rehearsal, so I understood her trouble. At one point on the stage while fumbling for her lines, she ad-libbed, “Well, I’m just going to sit here,” and folded her arms while I struggled to find my way out of it. Not easy. But it was a great lesson in improvisation, and after that, no matter how often Shannon forgot her lines, she never threw me under the bus again. She just kept moving. And she knows how to command a stage. I felt sorry for her that she was so frustrated and hard on herself. She wondered if age had something to do with her forgetfulness—if at 88, she could no longer do any plays because her memory wasn’t what it used to be. And then she came in to the theater one night and said, “I figured it out. I spoke with a therapist friend and he explained it to me. I’m having anxiety.” So instead of hanging up her acting hat, she's decided to work on her anxiety. And it’s a good thing, because we were voted the best out of our group, and I’d like to use her in something one day. That is, if I can afford her.

A widower for seven years, she has two kids—one’s an actor and the other’s a veterinarian. She went to the University of Texas for undergraduate school, and then got a graduate degree from Yale. She met her husband in New York, and then they moved out to California together. Although it’s hard to be a widow, she keeps herself extremely busy. She was in the movie, Inception, and the TV shows, True Blood and Mad Men—and that’s just a few of the things she’s done in the last year. Jay Leno uses her repeatedly in his sketches—in fact, she was a little late to one of our rehearsals because she was busy working on The Tonight Show.

She’s a really great actor, and I’m glad I got the chance to work with her. I’m also glad—though I wasn’t at the time—that I got to see her when she was struggling. I’m sorry she went through it, but she’d be happy to know I learned something while watching her. I learned how anxiety builds on itself and how sometimes, no matter how hard we prepare—and Shannon really works hard on her craft—you need to toss it away and just go with the flow. Shannon forgot something, which luckily she figured out on our very last show. She learned to trust herself.

Shannon, age 88.

It's a Weak Mind That Gets Bored

2010-11-03T13:47:00.000-07:00

As I get busier and busier with trying to make a living, stumbling my way through new fatherhood, and wasting a lot of time online, I decided to link to other people's interviews when I can.

A friend came across this video clip on a blog called http://andiamnotlying.com/ You can read the author's introduction to his 95-year-old grandmother, as well as the backstory to the video, here:

We all feel bored at times so I loved her advice: It's a weak mind that gets bored. If I can't find something to interest me, it's out of laziness. And I can be very lazy. How lazy? I just realized my friend sent me this link in November of 2009.

Fifty Pounds

2010-10-25T21:22:00.000-07:00

I got an email from a guy working with Accidentsdirect.com, which is apparently a personal injury company in the UK. They offered me fifty pounds (I can't find the "pound" sign on my American keyboard but I do know that it's worth more than the dollar) to promote a new informational guide informing the elderly how to avoid injuries in the winter. I feel like teaching people how to avoid injury can really get in the way of your profits if you're a company who makes money off of people's injuries, but I'm not a businessman. I'm just a guy who can use fifty pounds. And I'm guessing they just want to drive people to the site. But I read the informational guide and it looks pretty harmless. If you're elderly or want to read about how to help the elderly avoid an injury in the winter, then click here. As for the other seasons, you're on your own.

http://www.accidentsdirect.com/ways-to-avoid-winter-injuries-for-the-elderly.aspx

Letter From A Reader:

2010-10-11T15:12:00.000-07:00

Last week, I got a couple of emails from a guy named Chris Reid, which I thought I'd share (with his permission):

Seth,

Thanks so much for your blog. I have a deep respect for the elderly; specifically for the wisdom they have to give and all the obstacles they have overcome in life. If we would all just stop and listen to them, we could save ourselves so much heart ache. Thank you so much for your work to compile this wisdom in such a fun and easily accessible way. For anyone who has eyes to see, you are handing out gold bricks with every entry.

In my own search for wisdom, I have recently come across two articles of a bit of advice from the elderly. I thought you might enjoy reading them.

How Grandma's Advice Changed My Life
http://www.chabad.org/library/article_cdo/aid/1107560/jewish/How-Grandmas-Advice-Changed-My-Life.htm

Most People are Depressed for a Very Good Reason
http://www.violentacres.com/archives/169/most-people-are-depressed-for-a-very-good-reason/

Thanks again for your work. I was sorry to read about your mother-in-law's passing. She looked like a great person and a lot of fun.
Take care.

- Chris

My story is that I recently graduated from seminary in Portland, OR to become a pastor. I am a Christian of the non-denominational persuasion. I recently moved back home to Tulsa, OK and am in the process of trying to nail down a position at a church. I've had a little more time on my hands than normal and was literally Googling for advice from old people and made my way to your site. It has taken me a while, but I've slowly worked my way through all your entries. You have a very comfortable writing style. Very honest. Very warm to read. I hope you get as many breaks as possible to apply yourself and the genuine tone you bring to storytelling. But the videos man; the videos are priceless. I love hearing old people talk. The older the better. It's the best advice you can find. And they're not looking for our approval about what they have to say. I love it. I could talk about it for a long time.

Here's one for you. My grandfather passed away in 2005. I was living in Nashville, TN at the time. I called the hospital room about 20 min after my grandfather passed away and was able to speak to my grandma on the phone. She was still in the room with the dead body of her husband of 60 years laying there. I don't remember much from that conversation but I do remember at one point she leaned into the phone and said, "See, that's the thing about getting older." I said, "What?" She said, "You can't be a sissy." It made me laugh, b/c she was kind of a spit fire and I love that kind of grit. When life turns up the heat you just look it straight back in the eye. What she was getting at was that as you get older you have absolutely no idea what's going to happen to you. You could outlive all your friends. Die quickly. Lose your mind. Be bored for a long time. Get a disease that kills you slow. Or go out in a flame. You just don't know. But I love that advice. Just because you're coming to the end of your life doesn't mean you can get soft, it means you have to deal with some of the most difficult things you will face. My grandma died 2 years later in 2007. She was 84. In the last few weeks of her life she kept asking for a calendar over and over again. She died on Feb 13, 2007. The exact same day her husband died to years prior. Ha. I love that grit.

Take care bro and keep up the good work.

The Savant

2010-09-22T10:18:00.000-07:00

I first met David in shul, the Chabad of Los Feliz, many years ago. He retired from a lifetime career at the post office, never married, lives alone, and plays the piano as a hobby for people in retirement homes. I'm guessing he falls somewhere along the autism spectrum, though he's extremely high functioning. He also has an amazing ability to remember dates. I've tested him many times and he's never wrong. No matter how far back you go, he'll tell you the day of the week. And if it was in his lifetime, he can often tell you what happened on the date you give him. He's told me about a story he read in the paper on that particular day, or about some event in his life.

He loves my wife and lights up when he sees her. The first thing he did when we bumped into him at Yogurtland, was ask Carrie if her birthday was September 16, 1976. When she said it was, a childlike smile shot across his face. I've never been happier watching another man flirt with my wife.

Hiatus

2010-09-02T12:09:00.000-07:00

This is the longest I've ever gone without updating the blog and I'm sorry for those who have been following it closely. My mother-in-law, Carol Battocchio, died a few weeks ago after a two and a half year battle with breast cancer. Although she was an actress, and the more social one in her relationship, I never filmed her giving me advice for the website. We made a few attempts but she was always in and out of chemotherapy and it never seemed to work out smoothly. This is a lady who protested for the better treatment of Ruby the elephant at the LA Zoo...even when she had to stand alone, sign in hand. She petitioned for the ban of gestation cages in California and it passed, so farmers now have to provide enough room for each animal to be able turn around and extend their limbs. She was so caring and sweetly naive, that when I crank called her pretending to be from an organization which is raising money to provide heart-shaped cookies for lonely dogs on Valentine's Day, she gave me her credit card number to donate. If you'd like to do something to honor her, please donate whatever you can in her name to a breast cancer charity, or to one of the many animal rights groups she was a part of.

Her husband and my father-in-law, Roy Battocchio, gave me advice over a year ago. If you've never seen it, you should definitely check it out (Just click on his name to go to the link). Recently, selections from this blog screened at the LA ITV Fest and it went over really well. But Roy's video clip went over the best. He's a man who always kept his sense of humor--even during the tough times--and people respond to that. And now's the toughest time of all for him.

We imagine our lives will go a certain way, and when that's ripped out from under us it's hard to reconfigure. But we've been pushing Roy to go back to his old routines: the gym, his theater group, writing his plays, and lunches with friends. They remind him of the aspects of life he enjoys. The hardest thing for him--and most of us--is allowing for change. His life's changed so drastically that things will never be the same. And when that happens you have to do the hardest thing there is to do--roll with it. Even try some new things. My mother (as well as all of us) went through a drastic life change after my dad died at age 50. She was 48 and had to figure out a new life for herself. She was forced to "throw out her plans," and start over. It's scary as hell. But even though the loss of a spouse (or parent, etc) will affect you for the rest of your life, it is possible to find a new kind of happiness. My mom went back to school and became a social worker on the oncology floor of South Miami Hospital because, after caring for my father, she knew that she could make a difference in other people's lives as a result of what she went through. And, she did make a difference. She recently retired and took up volunteering at a program for teen mothers. Her most difficult hurdle was getting up the courage to date another man. My dad was the only man she ever loved. She couldn't picture herself with anyone else. It took her fourteen years to finally go out with her new boyfriend, and though he'll never replace my dad (to her or me), they have a new relationship which makes the both of them happy.

I know Roy will find his way. Humans are resilient people. But I'm sorry for the pain he (and my wife and sister-in-law) feel right now. And although there's nothing I can do to make it better, I can remind Roy of his own advice to me which is: Even in the worst of times, "keep a good sense of humor."

In Memory of Carol Ketay Battocchio
1944-2010

Learn From Your Mistakes

2010-07-27T15:26:00.000-07:00

I didn't want this great advice getting lost in the first part of the interview I did with Al Scaglione so I edited it out and saved it for another time. We all make mistakes and sometimes the hardest part of making a mistake is letting it go. Al is very upfront about his mistakes. He blames his lack of success as an actor on his inability to forgive himself for his mistakes. He held on to bitterness which further hindered his career. I've watched this video many times and it's one of the best pieces of advice anyone's given on this site. Rather than bore you with my rambling, I'll let Al speak for himself. Take the thirty seconds to learn something:

Life Advice from Old People makes it into the ITV Fest!:

2010-07-20T12:13:00.000-07:00

If you're in LA, please come support our first screening at the ITV Fest (itvfest.org). Click HERE to get your tickets.

Life Advice Viewer Submission - #4

2010-07-16T21:06:00.001-07:00

My guest blogger, Chava Tombosky sent in another video from her grandfather's 90th birthday. This one's a hodge podge of advice from various friends. Oddly, the video ends with one of Chava's kids tap dancing. It's as if she had accidentally recorded over a family video. But knowing Chava she's just a proud mama who wants the world to see her kid dance.

Here's Chava:

My grandfather has always been the most loyal friend. Since he was in grammar school, he has literally kept those same friends in his life through adulthood. Over the years, many have passed away making him very emotional over losing his confidants, and close buddies to old age and illness. It has always been a huge source of inspiration to all of us grandkids that he was able to maintain the same relationships for so many years.

For the past 15 years, my grandfather has celebrated life by having huge grandoise birthday parties every five years. This year for his 90th birthday party, you couldn't help but notice the huge and drastic change to his once famously large party shrinking as a result of so many friends gone. What once used to be a roomful of 200 friends has dwindled down to 60. He has always said, that getting old for him was never hard physically. He doesn't take any pills. He is in great shape. He doesn't need a cane or a walker, and he has never felt better, but the saddest part of my grandfather's old age has been the fact that so many of his dear friends have died and he has outlived them all alone.

My grandparents moved to the desert after retirement to live in a beautiful area with a golf course so he could spend his golden years on the putting green surrounded by all his friends. Unfortunately, he stopped playing golf, because golf for him was a buddy's game. Without the buddies, it would never be the same. His friends have always had the greatest sense of humor and I know so much of his life has been enriched because of them. But most of them are gone now which has left him very sad and heartbroken. I would even venture to say that his old age has been a result of having great friends. I couldn't help but want to get a piece of yesterday's party on video history for the whole world to witness the last of my grandfather's friends who were able to come to the party. You'll notice they're a bit younger than him, a result of losing old friends is he had to make new ones, younger ones. These guys have the greatest sense of humor and a really wonderful take on life. It is truly an inspiration. Here's what they have to say about success, love, and happiness.....

Life Advice Viewer Submission - #3

2010-07-12T10:11:00.000-07:00

Chava Tombosky is a writer with a blog called My Big Fat Jewish Life. She also happens to be a hot Hasidic Jewish chick... married to a rabbi. With three kids. So, don't even think about it.

Chava went to her grandfather's 90th birthday recently and of course I insisted she bring a camera with her. Chava's VERY Jewy, though so I'll translate a couple of words for the majority of you who have no idea what they're talking about in the video.

*Bashert (Yiddish) - Destiny; In this context it's being used as finding your soul mate.

*Mazel (Hebrew) - Luck.

*Zaidy (Yiddish) - Grandfather.

Now let me pass the reigns over to Chava:

Yesterday my Grandpa Ritchie turned 90 years old. He’s always been a virile and strikingly handsome man. His vanity has been a source of laughter and inspiration for all of us. So much so, that he never allowed us to call him “Zaidy” cause he thought it was entitled for old people, which he never considered himself to be. Which is why we all call him Papa, a much more youthful grandfather title, indeed. People often ask me, what’s it like to have a 90 year-old Grandfather who looks like Brad Pitt?

It takes Pop forever to get dressed in the morning, and not because he’s old, but because he spends so much time primping.

He smells as good as he looks. He’s bought so much stock in Jinate’ over the years, they’re paying him to wear the bath splash.

Like Brad Pitt, he has many children whose foreign non-native names are impossible to pronounce. Can you say Menachem Mendel, Alta Shula, Yehudis Chana, Chava Tziporah Chaya Feige, or Yosef Yitzchak? That’s okay, neither can he, which is why he usually refers to us as “dahling.” There are 7 billion people in this world, 3 billion of them are Pitt-Jolie’s the other 4 billion are Shallmans. (I’m the eldest child of 7- all from the same mother and father. So far there are 8 grandkids and counting- 5 are from my one younger brother alone.) And much like the actor, my grandfather doesn’t make a move without getting permission from his director. Just ask my grandmother. He’s been married to my grandmother, also a beauty for over sixty years.

There are a lot of great stories that come from this man full of personality. He’s always had this Godfather persona but without the New York accent. He was born in Boyle Heights in 1920 to a very poor family and decided he would never be needy or destitute on his own. By the time he was 16 he was making so much money selling newspapers and hocking anything else he could get his hands on, he was making himself custom made suits. We’ve always had a lot of respect for the fact that he became a self made man and he always shared his wealth taking charity very seriously towards Israel and Jewish education in a very gracious and generous way. But he expected us all to work hard and have serious careers. He expected us to go to college and figure out how we were going to support ourselves early on. So the day that I brought home a poor Yeshiva boy training to be a Rabbi who had yet to fulfill his path towards finding a lucrative career, to marry at the age of 19, was a day that he didn’t particularly like very much.

As my husband says, “Dating Chava was the easy part, it was dating Grandpa Ritchie that was hard.” For the next 5 months, every time my husband to-be would see my grandfather, my grandfather would be holding his routine vodka on the rocks with a swig of tonic stare Robbie down with a suspicious and intimidating glare and say “So son, what are you gonna DO?” And my husband would reply, “I’m not sure yet. But I’ll figure it out.” Not the right response for Papa Ritchie. I could tell my grandfather was holding it together for the sake of not rattling my very happy world. My grandmother kept herself close by his side each time Robbie was around practically pinning him down- keeping him in submission from leaping across the floor to beat the young Rabbi in-training into discovering a more lucrative path. (Or maybe to just beat him to a pulp just for being in the same vicinity as me.)

He even put my uncle on the job of sitting my fiancé down and grilling him for several hours on how he would support me. Robbie came through with flying colors of course, being that he was just as witty and smart and savvy as my grandfather the salesman. As my husband always says when asked how he got me to say yes to his marriage proposal, he replies, “What did you think I’m stupid? I got her at 19 before she found anyone else to compare me to- plus I’m a great salesman.”

My husband is a great salesman, but he is also the kindest person. He is loyal, loving, and is one of the greatest people I know in this world with the biggest heart. Who else would put up with raising almost all my teenage siblings over the last ten years?

So I was surprised to learn five years after we were married that my grandfather was more rattled over my marrying this sweet inexperienced Yeshiva boy more than I even realized. One night, my husband finally confessed, realizing that time had been on his side the real story of how my grandfather “coped” with our marriage. The night before our wedding, my grandfather approached my husband with this proposition- “Robbie, you’re a great kid. I really like you. But let’s face it, you got nothing. You make nothing. And you are nothing- well that is yet to be determined of course, but I’d like my granddaughter to marry a somebody, maybe marry you even one day, but just not tomorrow. I’d like to see her get married when she’s older and when you have a small oh I don’t know, PAYCHECK. So here’s the deal, I’ll give you $10,000 bucks if you leave tonight and never come back. My granddaughter will get over it. I’m sure of it, you’re not that memorable.” Feeling proud like he just made the easiest deal of his lifetime, my grandfather sat back sipped his vodka tonic and waited for the young lad to take his money and run. Little did he know my grandfather was dealing with just as smooth of an operator as he is, and my almost- husband replied, “Pop, how ‘bout we just consider the 10k my paycheck and go on with the wedding?”

My grandfather paused, he laughed and finally put his hand out to shake Robbie’s realizing he saw a little of himself in the young lad for the first time. “You’re not too bad kid, welcome to the family. I’m keeping the 10k though.” Then my husband to-be did the smartest thing he could ever do upon sealing the deal with the hardest bargainer he’d ever have to face. He asked my grandfather to give him advice on getting older. All you have to do to get on my grandfather’s good side is make him feel like “Charlie potatoes” as he calls it, chum it up, compliment him on his youthful looks, and you got him in the palm of your hand. At this point Robbie was feeling pretty confident that he had won the old man over. To which, my grandfather looked squarely in the eye of the young groom and said “Rob, you know why I look this good at 75? Cause I don’t get heart attacks, I give ‘em. Let that be a warning.”

Congratulations Pop! Here’s to another 90 years! (Although he’s already informed me that after 100,he’ll be done. “No one belongs living that long. You gotta leave on a high note.”)

Ritchie, age 90.

Toronto Star

2010-07-11T20:43:00.000-07:00

I received a very nice email from Susan Pigg at the Toronto Star, which is apparently a very popular newspaper in Canada. A newspaper, by the way, is a way people used to read the news... I'm kidding, but no matter how many articles and mentions I might get on various blogs and websites, my boys Frank and Abe don't understand or appreciate it unless they physically see it in their hands-- "Ohh... an article in a newspaper!" Susan has promised me that she's mailing me the article from the paper so I can show it to the fellas. For the rest of you, I'll post it here:

Sage Advice from the Everyday Wise

It all started with Frank and Abe, two octogenarians who had lived life and had lots to say about it.

When Los Angeles writer and actor Seth Menachem met the good friends, now 89 and 90 respectively, walking around his neighbourhood, he was determined to immortalize their words of wisdom — okay, maybe more their kibitzing and complaining.

Since Menachem, 36, created Life Advice from Old People, his salute to seniors in June 2009, he’s asked more than 90 older folks for their life advice, including actor Jon Voight.

“Maybe it’s because my dad died when I was young and my grandparents are no longer around . . . I just thought they had some good advice and I wanted to preserve it.”

With the exception of “be one of the good guys” Voight, who he happened to spot dropping off a friend in the Fairfax district where Menachem lives with his wife and two-month-old baby, these are just everyday folks.

Some of them are newcomers to the country who don’t even speak English — their children do it for them.

But their words are simple and heartfelt. And their faces practically light up as they speak, once they get over the shock of being stopped by a complete stranger with a flip camera (a birthday gift from Menachem’s unsuspecting sister.)

Recently Menachem posted his favourite life advice so far, some of the best of it from neighbour Molly Pier, 89, who became an AIDS activist late in life after losing her son:

“You know, we don’t have much choice in many, many things that happen in our lives. The only thing we have choice over is our attitude and how we accept things that happen and how we cope with them.

“And that’s what you have to learn . . . coping with the hard things in life and loving and appreciating the good things that happen.”

Susan Pigg focuses on issues about aging and baby boomers. spigg@thestar.ca

Embrace Fear

2010-07-08T10:02:00.000-07:00

A few friends had called me to say I should interview this guy, Al Scaglione. They’re friends with his daughter and after meeting him they decided he needed to be on the site. I don’t know if he gave them great advice or if they merely liked his stories, but I finally got the chance to meet Al and see for myself.

Al and I had been talking on Facebook--he added me as a friend and told me he was a fan of my blog and the Seth & Avi web series my friend and I write--but I never thought to get his number. He was twenty minutes late and I kept circling the area, looking for a guy who resembled his Facebook picture. I was worried that he was waiting in another area of the Grove, an outdoor mall in LA. Eventually he spotted me as he raced over, apologizing for the traffic.

Al has the gift of gab. He’s the kind of guy who needs no prompting to talk. And I was happy to listen. He told me success happens when you do nine million things at once so eventually you’ll be in the right place at the right time. He calls that luck. Later on I asked Al about some of the nine million things he’s done in his life. A short list:

Various jobs at an ad agency from the mailroom to contest director, paint salesman, pot and pan salesman, actor, opened the first frozen yogurt store in California, then went into fast food, then a few restaurants, he spent ten years as a Colibri salesman, he was a therapist (layman), he invested in real estate, wrote a book, and most recently invented a product he tells me “will make me a fortune.” I hope it does.

The Matza Family Reunion

2010-07-02T15:40:00.001-07:00

I went to a family reunion last weekend. The Matza family are Greek Jews from the town of Iaonnina, the same town where my paternal grandfather’s family is from. They are called Romaniote Jews – different from the more well known Sephardic and Ashkenazi Jews. The Romaniote have been in Greece for over 2000 years. The Jews who came to Greece after the 1492 expulsion from Spain formed a separate Sephardic community. Where my family fits into either of these communities, I have no idea. I started a few Facebook groups to try to find relatives from my Greek side, as they’re such a minority within a minority and I know nothing about their background. I was raised a bagel and lox eating Ashkenazi Jew, sprinkling my English with the Yiddishisms from my maternal grandparents. My father died eighteen years ago, and since he lost touch with most of his Greek side, it got even harder to find them after he died.

But slowly, I’m meeting some relatives; and recently, Rhonda Matza found me on Facebook and invited me to her family reunion. Chances are, we’re not related. Though it's quite possible that our families in Greece married each other at some point as it seems like there wasn't a whole lot of Jews to choose from in Iaonnina. From what I hear, we have some cousins who married each other… thankfully, I wasn’t born with any noticeable genetic mutations. Everyone has a wagging tail at the end of their spinal column, right?

I met some great people at the reunion, and although we’re still piecing together the family tree on Geni.com, Rhonda introduced me as “adopted family” and made me feel welcome. I had delicious homemade baklava and they invited me to take part in the family reunion picture. My family never had reunions. I always thought it was so cool when I heard from friends who went to them. I’d love to put one together one day. But in the meantime my suggestion to all of you is start “family reunion crashing.” It's well worth it. And, if you go back far enough, aren't we all related at some point, anyway?

Barbara, age 92.

Sarah, age 91.

Orie and Evie, married for 44 years.

Orie and Evie, married for 44 years.

My Favorite Life Advice so far...

2010-06-22T10:25:00.000-07:00

I've interviewed about 90 people so far and now that a year has passed it got me thinking about what has been my favorite advice. I didn't have the time to transcribe all of my interviews but I was looking them over and these five popped out at me. I grabbed the parts that I loved the most. You'll love them, too... unless you're missing a soul. Click on their names if you want to see the videos.

Mollie Pier - All I can tell you as a young person really just starting out in life is that things aren’t always wonderful. They’re not always perfect. But if you’re determined and you put yourself in a position where you let the world know who you are and what you are, somehow something will come home to roost. You know, we don’t have much choice in many, many things that happen in our lives. The only thing we have choice over is our attitude and how we accept things that happen and how we cope with them. And that’s what you have to learn is coping with the hard things in life and loving and appreciating the good things that happen.

Jimmy Steig - Just do the best you can, try the best you can, and be easy on yourself. Be very forgiving to yourself. Be a good person. The rest will take care of itself.

Jon Voight - Cherish the beautiful things you have, take care of your health and go forward and be a good guy – be one of the good guys. When it's all finished look back and say ‘I was one of the good guys’ - and then you'll be fine.

Roy Battocchio - Stay young. You’re going to age in years but I think you’re going to have to have an attitude of feeling young, acting young, thinking young… that to me [is] very important, and what keeps that going is a good sense of humor. I’ve always found that to be… [With perfect timing, Roy fakes a sneeze and surprises me by making it look like a golf ball came out of his nose] I just threw that in there. See, now that’s an old joke but I figured that would be nice. And that’s it. Keep that sense of humor all the time. It’s not easy but keep it.

Tom Waldeck – Don’t get old. No, keep moving. That’s the trick is keep doing new things and keep moving ‘cause you get plenty chance to rest when you’re dead. I made lots of mistakes, sure. That’s how you learn. You make mistakes. You hope that you survive the mistakes. You hope that you don’t hurt too many people by making the mistakes… I think everybody should go for everything in life all the time. And there shouldn’t be any difference of when you’re 65 or 75 or 25. That’s what you should do is just keep going for things. You know, as long as you’re healthy and you can do it, and you can afford what you want to do… sitting on a porch and reading a book for the rest of your life, you know really is a waste. It’s a waste of a life.

If You Have Any Relatives in Sherman Oaks Hospital, You Better Take Them Somewhere Else.

2010-06-16T18:22:00.000-07:00

A few days ago I realized that I’ve been working on this blog for a year. I contemplated shutting down the project. I accomplished what I wanted to—giving a voice to people who often get ignored, while also getting great advice from people who have lived on this earth many more years than I have. I have a child now and life’s gotten way more complicated for me. Trying to juggle my family, my art, and making a living—all on very little sleep—can be overwhelming. But whenever I think about ending this thing, I meet someone interesting, or someone will email me recommending that I interview a friend or relative of theirs who they think will be inspirational. So, I guess I’ll keep this going. I may not be able to be as devoted as I once was to it but there’s no reason to not keep it going as I’m sure I’ll meet plenty of great elderly people in my life who I’ll want to share with the world. I also ask that any of you followers of the blog feel free to email me your interviews and I’ll put them on the site. My email: lifeadvicefrom@gmail.com.

The video below isn’t typical of my “life advice” interviews. Charlie and Larry, homeless brothers, weren’t as interested in giving advice as they were in finding help and justice for what they perceive was unfair treatment of their 97-year-old mother, Bessie. You can see the LA Times piece on Bessie here.

Charlie and Larry’s mother died under the care of Sherman Oaks Hospital. Their description of what happened sounds like she was tortured but I find it a little hard to believe. There’s no doubt that hospitals make mistakes, but beating and torturing an elderly woman who was rushed the hospital for a stroke sounds a bit far fetched. I feel for their loss, though. And, if there was any wrong doing I hope they get the justice they deserve. But a big part of me is having difficulty with their story. They say that before Bessie died, the Laugh Factory held a fundraiser to get their mother off of the streets and “all they could raise was a lousy $4000.” Am I being insensitive or does that sound a bit ungrateful?

I’ve often seen these guys driving around in their truck, their plea for help written on the windows. So when I saw them parked, I approached them and asked them to tell me their story. But I guess after spending some time with them, something seems amiss to me. It’s possible I’m being cynical but so be it. I gave them a shot and I’m putting it online for anyone to see. Judge for yourselves. Maybe all they need is work. If you can offer them a job, they tell me they used to work as grips in the movie business. Despite my feelings, I still wish these guys the best of luck. I can’t imagine how hard it is to live life on the streets and even if I feel they’ve squandered opportunities, it seems like they truly loved and cared for their mother.

Be Very Tolerant and Patient of One Another

2010-06-05T18:35:00.000-07:00

Relationships are hard--there’s no doubt about it. But despite their difficulties we all seem to cling to companionship. Maybe it’s our innate ability to fall in love. One of the harder parts of being a couple is the loss of freedom. I don’t just mean the freedom of running off to travel with friends, or staying out at a bar too late. I mean the freedom of being the quirky individuals we all are. Every one of us has these little things we do, which our significant other may have found cute at one point, but eventually can be really annoying to anyone other than ourselves. And, it’s during these times that David’s and Elisheva’s advice comes into play. The person we’ve chosen to spend the rest of our lives with is not a carbon copy of us. They think differently, react differently, and feel differently about things than we do. And the longer you’re with someone sometimes the more frustrating it can be when they don’t do something the exact same way that we do it. It’s a ridiculous expectation when you think about it, but when you’re in a relationship it tends to be one of those things you seem to keep arguing about. “I just don’t understand how you could (fill in the blank).”

When I first interviewed David, he asked me to film him separately from Elisheva. He’s a religious Jew, and therefore didn’t want to publicize the fact that he was “living in sin.” He joked about it, as he seems to do often, but he was clearly serious as he made sure that Elisheva was standing outside of frame. And then, while speaking to David on camera, he refers to Elisheva; she leans into frame and they throw their arms around each other. You can’t tolerate another person being different from you until you are comfortable with yourself. And it was as if David decided in that moment that he no longer cared what other people thought. He’s in love.

*Elisheva says, "it was a shidduch," when asked how they met. A shidduch is an arranged date for the purpose of marriage (common in ultra-Orthodox Judaism).

If You Can't Afford It, Don't Buy It.

2010-05-17T12:10:00.000-07:00

Elisheva is a divorced mother of three, originally from Philadelphia and New York. She moved to Los Angeles six years ago to be closer to her kids, two of whom live in LA. Semi-retired, she still works one or two days a week as a nurse--"but I just work because I like extra money." She claims because she never spent more money than she had, "that's how I can enjoy my life at this age."

*Side note - Elisheva says "Baruch Hashem" in the video, which means Blessed be God. Religious Jews feel compelled to say this after anything in which they may sound boastful, for fear of getting the evil eye. It's more superstitious than anything but I suppose some might claim that they just want to show, ala Tevye in Fiddler on the Roof, their constant devotion to God. When someone asks a religious Jew how they're doing they might say, "Doing well, Baruch Hashem." Whereas if someone asked a secular Jew of my grandparents generation how they are doing, they're more likely to hear, "You don't want to know... (Pause for effect)... my daughter's a lesbian so I'm not going to see grandkids out of her, and the doctor tells me I have the worst back he's ever seen. He doesn't know how I'm walking. It's amazing I'm standing here talking to you, but since you never call I figured I better drive out to see you. How else would you know I'm not dead?"

Elisheva, age 63.

There's Always a Better Day to Come

2010-05-12T09:04:00.000-07:00

French born David moved to New York at sixteen to attend a Yeshiva. From New York, he moved to Los Angeles where he was married and then widowed. I met David at a Lag BaOmer barbecue put together by my rabbi, Rabbi Korf of Chabad of Los Feliz. A personable man, David and I chatted for awhile before it ever occurred to me to film him. In fact, when my friend told me to pull out my camera I took it out and filmed my daughter, Sydney at her first picnic. My friend looked at me and said, "For your blog." I remembered, "Ohh, I have a blog. Good idea."

David, age 72.

I'm a Dad

2010-04-22T23:49:00.001-07:00

My daughter, Sydney Colette Menachem, was born 9 days ago. I don't think I'll ever see something more amazing than watching my child be born. I couldn't speak after she came out and I held her in my arms. And watching Carrie push through all those hours of labor has forever changed the way I view my wife. She's awesome.

This has also been the most exhausting experience I've ever had. Carrie and I are struggling to get a few hours of sleep a night, and some days we walk around like zombies. Really cranky zombies. But we're getting the hang of it more and more each day. And if I was ever curious what it would be like to have a child shoot projectile poop on me mid-diaper change, I can now check it off of my list. Unfortunately, I was never curious. Same for the warm, partially digested breast milk that Sydney puked on my chest an hour ago.

I walked over to Frank's yesterday to say Hi. It had been awhile since I've seen him and I wanted to tell him I was now a father. I shouted up to him and he walked out on the balcony. When he came down, he had an envelope in his hand. He had asked his niece to buy a card and then he typed (on a typewriter!) Carrie and my name and address on the front of it. Inside was $100 and Mazel Tov written in shaky Hebrew script. A few minutes later, Abe walked over because he saw me on my way to Frank's. He handed me $50. I tried to give the guys their money back but they refused. Frank said, "It's not for you. It's for the baby." Abe said, "You are not a wealthy man." I gave them each a hug and kiss. And I took the money for Sydney. I'm not a wealthy man but as I read on some very cheesy website I just looked up so I could find a good quote to cap this essay off, "Money might make you wealthy, but friends makes you rich."

It's Okay to Be Nuts

2010-04-05T00:12:00.001-07:00

I’ve been preoccupied lately and my wife, Carrie, is now a few days past her due date with our first kid. It’s an exciting time--also a little scary--and both of us haven’t been sleeping well. The good news is I just booked an acting job for a commercial campaign, which shoots eight commercials in three days. The bad news is that it shoots April 7th - 9th and if Carrie doesn't go into labor until then I'm not allowed to leave the set to be with her. We're not in a position to turn down money and both decided I should take the job. But the decision's been pretty hard on both of us. We're hoping she either goes in to labor today, or that our kid can hold out another week so I can be there. I bent down and talked to her stomach but I feel like my kid wasn't listening in there. She was squirming around the way I do when I get bored. To combat my insomnia, I finally took the time to edit a new interview...

I was at a movie screening a couple of weeks ago and Carrie recognized Stefani, a woman who volunteers at Cedars Sinai, the hospital where she works. The screenings are for SAG members, and Stefani’s sister, Carol is an actor. Stefani makes a living selling insurance. They congratulated me on Carrie’s pregnancy and I asked them if I could get some advice. Considering they never married or had children, their advice leaned towards how to make the most out of life. Born in Brooklyn and raised in Queens, they both spent a few years in Rome, when Carol was chasing a guy. Stefani came along for the adventure. Now in LA, they seem to have found their groove on the West Coast. But I get the impression that if they found something that interested them in some other part of the world, these two wouldn’t be afraid to go check it out.

Carol and Stefani, Age... none of my business:

The Watch Repairman

2010-03-19T09:02:00.001-07:00

While walking my dog, I stopped by Frank's to say Hi and saw he was sitting in the backyard with Abe. The two of them - at 89 and 90 - were planning out the bus schedule so they could go to the watch store to change the battery in Frank's watch. I told Frank that I had a few things to do in the morning but that I'd take him later in the day. He kept staring at his watch. I said, "Frank, what are you looking at? It's not working." He said, "I do everything by the watch." Frank likes to structure his life and he uses his watch to maintain that structure. He constantly looks at his watch and sets up activities throughout the day which need to be done at certain times. Especially lunch. He will look at his watch and say, "I need to think about what to make for lunch." Then he'll sit quietly and think. So, not having a working watch was making him anxious.

Frank wanted to go to a particular watch store, Majestic Jewelry, because he's known John for many years and tells me that he's the best. He didn't remember the name of the store but I drove slowly down Fairfax until he recognized it. Frank has a gold and silver Seiko which he got when he retired. He says proudly, "At the time I think it was $300. And with the engraving... who knows." The union head took up a collection from the other cabinetmakers to buy Frank the watch. It has his name and the year he retired - 1983, I believe.

John is a Bulgarian born watch repairman who's been repairing watches for "almost 50 years." His business sits in an old storefront with an old sign. But the people who go to him have been doing so for many years and they don't go for the aesthetics. They all go because John's the best.

Frank waited a few minutes for his battery to get changed and said to me, "You see how fast he does it?" He was no longer anxious. He looked down at his watch and smiled. And then I drove him home.

Meditate Daily

2010-03-16T13:57:00.001-07:00

I often walk Frank to the produce store at the corner so I can help him carry his groceries home. Every time we walk he takes a break in the same place in order to catch his breath. On this particular day he decided to give me some unsolicited advice. I turned the camera on and tried to get him to repeat it. He confused the word “yoga” for “meditation,” but I know what he meant. He wants me to be calmer and to take time out every day where I sit quietly and think about nothing. He thinks it will help me live longer. I tend to always be doing something. I don’t often sit quietly unless I’m reading a book or doing some writing, and even then my fingers and toes are tapping. And of course, even then I’m doing something. I’m reading. I’m writing. I’m not just sitting, alone with my thoughts. I distract myself constantly. The computer. The TV. The phone. I keep these things close by to give me something to do at all times. I’m impatient. I’m impulsive. I’m the opposite of Frank.

This morning, I walked over to Frank’s to say Hi. He was showing me the strawberries he planted when I remembered an orange tree I had in a pot behind my apartment. I had planned on planting it one day when I owned my own place. Since I have no idea when that day will ever come I offered the tree to Frank. I borrowed his dolly, ran home to get it, and wheeled it back over to his house. I figured I’d drop it off, say goodbye, and eat a late breakfast but Frank had taken out the hoe and was waiting for me to dig. I didn’t want to but I can’t say No to Frank so I started digging. He occasionally stood up to give me direction. I told him to sit down. We argued as we sometimes do--silly arguments about where to dig, how to break apart the rotted root we found buried in the ground, how deep the hole should be, and so on. The skin on the side of my thumb peeled away but I kept digging. Then I cut the plastic pot off of the orange tree and planted it. I covered it with soil, some powdered manure Frank had in his garage, and then the rest of the soil. It’s a really hot day today and I was a bit tired. But I was proud of the work I did. As I was watering the newly planted tree, Frank said, “You’re impatient but you get it done.” I said, “Do you still think I need to meditate?” He looked at me, thought for a moment, and said, “You still need to meditate."

Arkansas Folk

2010-03-06T11:35:00.000-08:00

I was at a commercial audition yesterday and there were some older actors auditioning for a grandfather role in the spot. Of course I didn't bring my camera with me and although I had some regret, when Virgil Davis walked in the room I wanted to punch myself in the face for being so stupid. When I first saw him I found my lips doing this weird thing where they stretched themselves out and then curled up at the sides. I think they call it a smile.

Virgil didn't know where to sign in, he forgot what commercial he was auditioning for, and he still managed to use his confusion to throw out one joke after the other. Everything he said was "folksy," but not in that annoying Sarah Palin way where you feel like she's conning people in the fly-over states into thinking she has substance; Virgil is sweet, funny, and sincerely warm. Although he left Arkansas for California in 1944, you would think he just got off the plane. I asked him one question after another and almost every question had a funny comeback. He could have been a cast member of Hee Haw.

Virgil's wife shook her head every time he made a joke. I asked her if she'd heard all of these jokes before. She said, "Like a million times." He told me she's his second wife - "My first wife ran off with the garbage collector." She quipped, "I wish I had run off with the garbage collector."

When I asked Virgil what he did for a living, he gave me his resume which showed a few things here and there - some skits on Jay Leno, and a few things involving music... I imagine he played guitar and told funny stories. But, it didn't seem there was enough to make a living so I asked him what else he did for work. He said, "I was in the TV business." When I asked him what he did in the TV business, he said, "Repairs. Do you have a TV that needs fixin'?"

I told him about my website and filmed the little I could with my cell phone camera.

Virgil Davis, Age 91.

Frank's 89th Birthday

2010-03-02T00:26:00.000-08:00

Frank called me up on February 16 and left me a message. It was his 89th birthday and he had no one to spend the day with. As soon as I was done auditioning I called Frank back and told him I was taking him to lunch. We went to Fish Grill, a kosher fish place close to where we live.

Frank's a very regimented man. He constantly checks his watch - a Seiko given to him upon his retirement in 1983 - to make sure he is running on schedule. He makes himself a lunch every day at noon. And he will not eat again until it's his dinner time. Since it was 3 p.m., all he would let me buy him at Fish Grill was a tea.

I called up my friend, Yitzy to come meet us. Yitzy grew up in a Hasidic household, and Yiddish was his first language. I think it's nice for Frank to hear Yiddish coming out of the mouth of a guy in his twenties. Abe tells me I should learn Yiddish - "It's an international language" - but I tell him I'm going to work on Hebrew first. I picked up a few Yiddish words from my grandma but only enough to spice up my sentences with a few choice words. I can't hold a conversation. My grandma also wanted me to learn Yiddish but where I grew up in Miami people spoke more Spanish than they did English. Yiddish wasn't going to help me buy leche at the bodega.

Frank was quiet at first - he's a bit of a homebody and he gets shy around people he doesn't know well. But after an hour he grew more comfortable, and soon he was giving me all the reasons why Yitzy was an easier personality than me. Frank thinks I'm too hyper and tells me I need to have the strength to calm myself. A week later he was convincing me to meditate at least once a day - I filmed the advice, although there's a slim chance I'll take it. I'll post it soon in case someone else wants it.

Before we left Fish Grill, I had convinced Frank to allow me to buy him a meal which he could heat up and eat another time. I told him they had salmon and he asked me if it was wild or farm-raised. "I'm sure it's farm raised because they don't want to spend the money," he told me. I asked the cashier and it turned out Frank was right. He didn't want it. He doesn't like farm raised salmon. I asked him how he'd know the difference but he wouldn't budge. So, I got him a whitefish and he took it home.

As I dropped him off at his apartment, he told me he was just giving me a hard time back at the restaurant. I told him I didn't mind. He thanked me for lunch and then asked me if it was okay for him to call me again. He gets uncomfortable calling me too often. I said, "Frank, you're my friend like Yitzy's my friend. And believe me, he doesn't ask permission to call me. Call me whenever you want." He laughed and closed the door to my car and as I backed out of the driveway I realized the importance of family. Frank lost most of his family to Hitler, and then never managed to find a woman to marry. He never had kids. He lived with his father, cared for him while he was sick, and after his father died Frank lived alone up until now. It saddens me to think about it. I've been calling Frank a lot lately. I don't think it's nice to make him feel like a burden. And, I know he appreciates it. And, what better present can you get a lonely man on his 89th birthday?

It's The Pills

2010-02-22T00:09:00.000-08:00

When I was at Frank’s apartment he mentioned to me that he was only still alive because of his pills. He couldn’t think of any other reason why he managed to live this long. I was confused about his age and when I asked him to clarify, he told me he was 89. I learned later that his 89th birthday was actually less than a week away.

Frank showed me all the things he did around his apartment. He literally built most of his furniture, and probably anything else that is made out of wood. He was a cabinetmaker for a living and he hates that he doesn’t have the strength to continue to build things the way he used to. When the coat rack in my house fell out of the wall, Frank walked me through how to repair the holes, brace the screws into two different types of material, and hang the sturdiest item I’ve ever put on a wall. If we’re unlucky enough to have a bad earthquake, everything I’ve hung on my walls are flying off… but not this coat rack.

I’ve decided to film Frank more and more these days. It’s Frank who sparked the idea of “Life Advice from Old People” and why not get as much advice I can from the “old person” with whom I’ve grown most close? I don’t know what’s keeping Frank alive so long; but I do know that the closer I get to Frank the more I hope whatever it is that’s keeping him alive, keeps on working.

The Music Man

2010-02-19T00:32:00.001-08:00

Frank has been calling me a lot lately. His good friend, Abe has been suffering from dementia for years, but since the loss of Abe's wife it's gotten much, much worse. Abe no longer walks to Frank's house for their daily talks and when he does come over, he repeats much of the same things. Frank's feeling extremely lonely and I get many messages from him saying, "Hey, Menachem. Where have you been? Give me a call as soon as you can." When I do call he tells me, "I have no one to talk to," and apologizes for having to call me. I tell him that he's a friend and to call me whenever he wants but Frank doesn't like to be a burden.

I try my best to make time for Frank. I like him a lot and although my life's been getting busier, I know I can find an hour or two to spend with him a week. He deserves it. I gave him some CD's a few weeks ago, and he asked me to come over to hear him play Fiddler on the Roof on his stereo. He told me that I'd never hear music sound like this. He built the system himself and he's very proud of it. Anyone who comes over to his house is placed into Frank's chair in the middle of the room and treated to music playing out of the speakers surrounding the room. And, Frank gets so much pleasure listening to music--you can see it in his face. I listened to half the album and started to get up. Frank stopped me and told me it wasn't done yet. I'm not great at sitting still for long periods of time but I sat back down, leaned back in the chair, and learned to appreciate having nothing to do but listen to music.

Don't Go Out With Prostitutes

2010-02-11T23:33:00.000-08:00

I passed by Doc and his friend while walking through the Farmer's Market. The 326 Bar sits right in the middle of the market and a variety of characters drink there day and night.

Doc looks like an old alcoholic. When I aimed the camera towards Doc's friend he told me, "Not him, me." He was drunk. He corrected himself and shooed me away. Doc gave me his advice--the advice you'd almost expect from a drunk (and the title of this post). I laughed it off and then rephrased the question, asking him if that was the best advice he had for young people. He got serious and said something interesting, I'm sure gleaned from years of missteps.

Trust In Each Other

2010-02-08T16:07:00.000-08:00

Carrie and I went to Oahu, Hawaii as we've never been there and we thought it would be nice to take a trip before we had our first kid. Traveling with a pregnant chick is not always easy--they are often hungry, pee frequently, get winded walking from the elevator to the hotel room, and have the mood swings of a severe manic depressive. But if you feed them regularly, cater to their whims, ignore the mood swings, and tell them how beautiful they look almost eight months pregnant in a bikini, you can make a pretty nice trip out of it. We stayed at the Royal Hawaiian Hotel, which was really nice. I'm sorry I didn't interview more people as the hotel was replete with retirement-age folk. But we explored the island by car every day, ate in some really good restaurants like a local favorite, Irifune, and we snorkeled in Hanauma Bay.

We also checked out the Mormon run Polynesian Cultural Center. We decided to see the slightly corny Ha: Breath of Life while we were there, as a few people insisted that we go see it. It wasn't brilliant theater, but there were a few cool dance numbers--especially the ones which involved fire.

We chatted up a nice couple sitting behind us so I finally remembered to pull out my camera and ask them a few questions. Not having a light on me, the video came out terribly dark. I know it's not pretty to look at, but Walter and Lola are a really nice couple. They are native to Hawaii. Walter, a retired principal, is a fourth generation Hawaiian of Chinese descent. Lola, a retired teacher, is a third generation Hawaiian of Japanese descent. This is their second marriage, as Lola is a divorcee and Walter is a widower.

Lola and Walter, ages 70 and 75.

Use Your Instincts

2010-01-19T00:32:00.000-08:00

When Mollie Pier had Carrie and I over for brunch about a month ago, I let David Silverstein talk to her about a problem he was having with his father. But I was curious if Mollie had any advice for Carrie and me, as we're due to have a baby April 2nd and we'll take any help we can get.

We're off to Hawaii tomorrow for what I imagine will be our last vacation together for awhile. Unlike other vacations, though, this one already feels different. Carrie's got her maternity bathing suit ready--we're convinced that there's almost no buzz kill worse than seeing a pregnant chick laying out on the beach--and my vacation book is The Baby Whisperer Solves All Your Problems (She better!). We were cool once--we swear! We don't even have a kid yet and we're already going to be "that" couple on the beach. You know--the couple who uses the strongest sunblock on the market, screams at each other for forgetting the sandwiches, and asks the youngsters next to them to "please throw the Frisbee somewhere else because it's getting dangerously close to hitting us." Hopefully this kid of ours will be pretty hip because I'm guessing we'll need the help.

When Life Gives You Lemons...

2010-01-15T11:32:00.000-08:00

About a month ago, Mollie Pier invited my wife and I to brunch at her house. She also invited David Silverstein, a friend who first introduced me to Mollie. David's a gay orthodox Jew who was one of the subjects in the film, Trembling Before G-d, which explored the subject of being both a religious Jew and a homosexual - and how to make peace with two seemingly conflicting worlds. After years of struggle, David seems to be finding peace. But David's mother passed away four years ago and he recently put his aging father into an assisted living facility in his hometown of Chicago. His father, after losing his wife of 52 years, has given up on life. And now David is weighed with the burden of a father who no longer wants to live. Unsure if there's anything else he can be doing to help his father, he turned to Mollie for help.

Hattie's Response

2010-01-06T00:48:00.000-08:00

I wrote Hattie to let her know that I put up her interview on the site. She wrote me back:

Terrific! Thank you. Of course I self-promote. How else will anyone know that sex gets better with age? Or, at least, no worse! That's not a common belief, and I'm out to shatter the prevailing image that aging turns we older beauties (Cougars) into repulsive, undesirable old hags. My college lecture is specifically targeted to help young people get their sexuality to come (cum) alive..."Everything You Need to Know About Sex and Come Out On Top!" You were a bit derisive in your description of me, but that's understandable, as your take on older, sexually active women mirrors the way society treats/views us. That's about to change, and, at 73, I'm fortunate to be on the front lines of that battle. Enjoyed meeting you, and had fun viewing and sharing the video. Thank you again.

Ciao,
Hattie

I saw her email early in the morning and read my post again. Was I judging Hattie because she was a sexual woman in her 70's? I thought about it and then responded:

You're absolutely right that we all think it's okay for older men to sleep with younger women but the reverse always seems shocking. You're beautiful and funny and there's no reason it should be surprising. But, that's not what I was responding to. I think I was responding more to the way everything you or I said immediately became sexual and it felt attention seeking. But I was treating you like an equal - not a batty old lady. I'm always thrown when young girls do it, too. It bothers me because it's as if they think they have nothing else to impress men with so they go right to their "sexual" place. But, you wrote a good letter and if I gave anyone a bad impression, I'm sorry. And, if you'd like me to I'd be happy to post your letter up in the next post b/c I think you did a good job of explaining where you were coming from. I felt badly after reading it and although I was up late last night I quickly woke up to write you :). Thank you for explaining yourself and let me know if you want me to post your response so people can further see how intelligent you are and your raison d'etre.

And her reply to me:

What a caring reply. I appreciate that. YES, please publish it. Seth...as to where I'm cuming from (intended misspelling), I've been overly involved with sexuality for my entire life. (kinda like a guy!) As such, you can imagine how delightfully shocking it is for me to be as vibrantly sexual now, in my 70's, as I've ever been. One important note. I strongly believe that women who surgically alter themselves to look younger and/or to be appealing to men are making a dreadful mistake. It's authenticity, integrity, resplendent health and courage that make for great sex. As I say in my Hattietude -- "Face lifts are like potato chips...you can't have just one!"

Thank you again, and keep up the good work,
Hattie (my dad was a hatter!)

By the way, there are many, many young people who think and act like "traditional" old people...and I'm out to correct that with my college lecture, "Everything You Need to Know About Sex and Come Out On Top!)

Cheers, and keep it goin'

Have a Lot of Sex

2010-01-04T09:57:00.000-08:00

On a Virgin America flight heading back to LA from NY, I met this quirky woman standing at the back of the plane. She didn’t need to use the bathroom. She wanted to talk…to anyone. Having nothing else to do on a cross country flight, I was happy to oblige.

Hattie loves to talk about sex. She’s written a few books – “published,” she interjects, though when I look them up I find that they’re all self-published. They’re available for purchase on Amazon.com. She’s got a website, and a 35-year-old boyfriend who I imagine has more difficulty keeping up with her than the other way around. Her books, her website, and her boyfriend all feed into her philosophy of staying young. One of her books is called “Retroage: 4 Steps to a Younger YOU!” Her website claims she “turned aging from being a depressing downward spiral into a joyous, youth-filled adventure.” And her boyfriend is her trophy to show the world and herself how age hasn’t stopped her from enjoying life. Although a bit over the top, she does seem truthful. Clearly desperate for attention, she went topless on Howard Stern for one of his on-air stunts. But, maybe there’s more to it than what’s on the surface. On one hand, she’s a shameless self-promoter trying to hawk her books and her courses. On the other hand, she’s still a senior citizen who’s done a really good job at keeping herself busy at a time when most are slowing down. Her energy speaks for itself. She tells me she has “a lot of sex,” as well as works out every day, eats organically, and is a vegetarian. When we met, she was on her way to LA for a boot camp in how to lecture to college-aged people. She wants to teach the world how to “take on” aging. Maybe she's on to something.

Hattie, age 73.

Smile Openly and Warmly

2009-12-14T11:00:00.001-08:00

I met Onnik on my way out of Le Pain Quotidien one morning. Onnik was born in Jerusalem, a Christian Armenian whose parents escaped the genocide in Armenia. He left Jerusalem as the wave of Jews were escaping their own genocide at the hands of the Nazis. He’s seen the faces of people who have had the worst kind of suffering.

It’s hard for me to approach strangers and ask them if they wouldn’t mind giving me advice on life… and can I film it for a website? If I’m not already in a natural conversation it’s a difficult thing to do “cold.” Sometimes I try to “cold read” people. And that’s what I did with Onnik. You can see in his body language that he’s an available participant in life. He likes to talk to people and he smiles openly and warmly. His wife of 47 years smiles politely and tautly, no wrinkles in the eyes as it’s forced. I spoke to her off camera – a nice woman, but one who needs to know people well before she lets her guard down and speaks comfortably. When I attempted to film her, she stiffly shook her head. Onnik on the other hand, gave me a smile which ran all the way up to his wrinkled eyes, and then he opened himself up to me. Once again, it’s not necessarily the advice that teaches me the most about people and how to live my own life. Like my last interview, I’ll probably soon forget what Onnik said to me. But I won’t forget his smile and the idea that it’s important to remain open and available to people, even when you’ve seen the worst that people can do.

Stay Busy

2009-12-09T15:39:00.000-08:00

Rachel Miller, a friend and founder of Tom Sawyer Entertainment, asked me to go interview her grandfather, Albert who was in town from Chicago. A mostly-retired CPA, he lives part-time in Los Angeles so he can spend time with his grandkids. I drove over to his house right before Shabbat as he's more of a traditional Jew and he tries to keep the Sabbath with his family. But Shabbat seems to be the only traditional thing about Albert.

Eight years ago he saw an ad in the LA Weekly for “Senior Improv.” He checked it out and loved it. When he got back to Chicago he signed up for improvisation classes at IO, and now performs in retirement homes and on cruise ships. He’s also started teaching an improv comedy class for other seniors. He’s started a blog, joined Facebook, and runs a Men’s Club. And he’s 85-years-old. Almost every day of the week he is either teaching or learning. He retired from work but still keeps a couple of clients. He’s the president of his condo board. He’s studying writing. And he continues to run a club for couples on the weekends with his wife of 63 years.

Someone asked me if I remember any of the advice people give me. I said that I remember the good advice but it’s not necessarily about the actual advice. As time goes by, I won’t remember everything Albert said to me. But I will remember that he’s the kind of guy who doesn’t waste a day. He doesn’t let age stop him from continually learning and doing things. I imagine his wife, Ruth doesn’t either but I wouldn’t know for sure. He seems to do the talking for the two of them.

Albert:

Ruth and Albert:

How To Be a Boss

2009-11-25T09:10:00.000-08:00

I've been pretty busy lately, working on a TV show Avi Rothman and I created for Starz. We're writing five episodes for them, with the hope they'll pick up the series. It's based on our original pilot, Partners. The experience in a writer's room has been amazing and we're working with a great team. The episodes are also coming out pretty damn funny.

Yet, no part of my job requires me to be well groomed. We sit around a table, work on the episodes together, and then do a lot of writing on our own. We snack incessantly. I've grown a bigger stomach than my wife who's 5 1/2 months pregnant. Good times.

But my 90-year-old neighbor, Abe cannot wrap his head around the idea that I never shave. One morning, I groggily got out of bed to walk the dog. I was exhausted, as I wrote until the early morning and hadn't gotten a lot of sleep. But, when Abe stopped me to let me know that I better quickly take a shave before I got to work, I had to get it on camera.

Abe, age 90.

Come to Vegas When You're a Lot Younger Than I Am

2009-11-22T11:22:00.000-08:00

Sharon and her best friend, Karen have been friends for over 30 years. They had kids around the same time and their kids are also best friends. They both came to Vegas from Jefferson City, Missouri with their husbands... who they promptly ditched to spend the day together.

Sharon, age 66.

Life Advice Viewer Submission - #2

2009-11-11T10:38:00.000-08:00

Matthew Cardarople shot a short film about his grandparents, focusing on his 92-year-old grandfather, Philip. A lover of baseball and a coach of a Depression-era baseball team, Matt's family treated Philip to a gift for his birthday -- a day at the Red Sox Fantasy Camp. It's my favorite moment in the film and a great tribute to someone Matt loved and respected (Philip passed away two weeks after getting to fulfill his dream of hitting a ball at Fenway Park). I suggest that any of you who still have your grandparents living, take advantage of the opportunity and ask them questions, take notes, or film the experience. It's an amazing thing to have when they're gone.

A clip from "The Old Boy":

A clip from Matthew Cardaroples documentary short, "The Old Boy". from matthew cardarople on Vimeo.

My 2nd Radio Interview... almost as bad as the first!

2009-11-02T11:05:00.000-08:00

I got an email from Peter Anthony Holder, a talk-radio host from Montreal, Canada. He saw my blog written about on another site and asked if I could do a ten-minute interview with him for his internet show, The Stuph File Program. After working on air for CJAD for 20 years, he was fired. Rather than throwing in the towel, Peter went online and started his own talk radio show. He called me at home to talk to me about doing his program and then asked if we could speak through Skype, which is how he records his interviews. After my last interview on Canadian radio and my wife telling me that I didn't have enough energy, I might have overcompensated on this one. Luckily, I'm making all my mistakes in Canada where people don't know me. By the time I hit the air in America I might be such a polished interviewee that I can actually listen and answer questions.

Seth Menachem on The Stuph File Program (Peter Anthony Holder) - 11-2-09 by user81179

Peggy Sue's Daddy

2009-10-29T00:01:00.000-07:00

En route to Vegas from LA with my wife and some friends, we stopped at a diner in a little town called Yermo, on Ghost Town Road. It was a few hours past most people’s dinner time and the restaurant was quiet. The booths were old and springy and it was kitschy as hell, but I loved it. The waitresses (this is not the kind of place to use the politically correct term, “servers”) were quick-witted, sweet as Southern tea, and a throwback to a different era. It’s an original 50’s diner which the actress Peggy Sue restored over 20 years ago and dubbed Peggy Sue’s 50’s Diner. My wife was excited because they had “fried pickles” on the menu. She loves pickles and the idea of them being battered and fried was almost too much for her pregnant mind to handle. Now that she’s tasted them, she looks for them everywhere we go.

Pop is Peggy’s Sue’s dad and he lives in a room behind the restaurant. The waitresses aren’t blood relatives but take care of him as if he were family. His details for the past are impeccable according to the women, but new memories don’t stick in his head. The waitresses laughed a little as Pop told me a story about his daughter, Peggy Sue. At first I thought they were laughing because it was cute how much he admired her. But I soon realized it was a different kind of a laugh. For the duration of our meal, Pop would interrupt us to ask the same question he had asked us a couple of minutes earlier. Then he would tell us about his daughter – the exact same story he had just repeated to us three times in a row. There’s something surreal about hearing someone repeat the same pieces of information over and over as if it were the first time they were saying it. You start to laugh but realize that the man speaking to you has no idea that he’s doing it. He believes he’s telling you a new story and the most respectful thing you can do is smile and pretend it’s the first time you’re hearing it. I notice I do this a lot with Abe, whose memory has also been failing him lately.

Pop comes in to the restaurant every single day at the exact same time. He sits down, has his pie and a coke brought to him, and tells the waitresses stories they have heard so many times it’s hard to believe they haven’t lost their own minds. But they are patient, caring, and like actors in a long-running play they find fresh ways to ask questions and listen in order to keep the show alive.

Take a Shave

2009-10-26T10:11:00.000-07:00

I haven't shaved for four or five days - not uncommon for me. It's pretty rare for me to be clean shaven, unless an acting job requires it. These days I'm writing most of the time, anyway and I'm free to look as shlubby as I'd like. While walking the dog this morning, I passed Abe, who was on his stoop, reading the paper. We talked for a couple of minutes and he asked me to sit down. I said, "I can't. I have to get to work." He said, "And take a shave?" I said, "No, just get to work." He said, "And take a shave?" "No," I repeated. "No shave. Just go right to work." He took a beat and said, "America is a good country."

Simon's La Glatt

2009-10-22T00:02:00.000-07:00

Shimon (or Simon) is married to Rochel (who goes by Kelly). He’s a quiet man who’s been married to Kelly for 43 years. As you might have seen in my last post, Kelly is not a shy woman. With one question, she and her cousin could have talked for an hour. I asked Shimon an hour of questions to get him to talk for a minute. I think the balance works for them as a couple. As soon as the guy was warmed up and ready to talk, Kelly jumped in and finished his sentence. With 43 years of marriage, seven kids, and a business they run together all day, they seem to be doing something right. I just get the feeling that even though their kosher restaurant is called Simon’s La Glatt, Kelly’s probably calling the shots.

The Moroccan Cousins

2009-10-20T14:12:00.001-07:00

I did not expect two older Orthodox Jewish immigrants from Morocco to be so funny. When my friend asked me to come meet Kelly and Sarah I assumed they’d give me some humorless religious advice and send me on my way. Who knew Sarah, a great-grandmother, would be telling me that she’s sworn off sex as she’s already had enough of it in her lifetime? Kelly was such a character that when I interviewed her husband, Simon – also her partner in the kosher restaurant in LA, Simon’s La Glatt – she answered almost every question for him. The man could barely speak for himself. Avid gin players, I was really happy they let me interrupt their game for this interview:

I Could Have Been Somebody

2009-10-14T00:32:00.000-07:00

Dorothy is my wife’s grandmother. She flew to LA to visit the family and check in on my mother-in-law, who is still battling breast cancer. I flew back with her to Miami as it's hard for her to travel alone as she gets older, and it was an excuse for me to go visit my family. Married at 17 to the love of her life, she’s never spoken a bad word about her husband, Walter who passed away in 2002. A dairy farmer who helped invent an incubator for chickens, he made her an offer at their engagement – a diamond ring or a house. She chose the house. Walter and his brothers built it for her themselves. I didn’t meet Dorothy (who we all call “Bammy”) until a few days after the funeral, so sadly I never got to meet Walter. I’m told he was a strong, smart man who took great care of his family. He made a lot of money as a builder – they lived in a mansion with drivers, cooks, and nannies – but lost most of it as a result of building reverses in the 1970's. He also felt his wife should never have to work, and therefore Bammy – who had always loved to sing and sang professionally – was forced to choose between her husband and her art. She chose her husband. Although she never regretted the choice of husband, she does pine for the career that she might have had. Although no longer singing on the radio, she still continues to sing for family and friends. She also raised three children - and thankfully one of them gave birth to my wife, Carrie. And for that I’m forever thankful. Just don't mention to Bammy that I overlooked the chocolate on the side of her lip before I started filming, or else I'm in real trouble.

Dorothy, age 92.

Jimmy the Dentist

2009-10-05T01:08:00.001-07:00

I've lived in LA for 13 years but have still been unable to find a local dentist. Instead, every time I fly back to Miami to visit my family I make an appointment with Jimmy. I've known him and his wife, Frankie for at least 20 years. When I was in high school and my dad had become so sick that he needed a wheelchair, Jimmy drove my father to the office after they had closed so he could work on my dad's teeth without my dad having to wait or be uncomfortable around other people. I'm 35-years-old and Jimmy still gives me a fatherly kiss on the forehead when he sees me lying down in the dentist's chair. He's a gentle hippy who manages to be gentle even while he drills my teeth and fills a cavity. When I was 16 I was - along with being a hip-hop fan - a jazz drummer. I loved listening to jazz, and was lucky enough to see Dizzy Gillespie play live in Miami. I was with my mom at Jimmy's house and he had just bought a photography book he was raving about - The Eye of Jazz by Herman Leonard. Leonard took these amazing photographs of all the jazz legends I adored. Jimmy showed me the Dizzy Gillespie pictures and then showed me some pictures of the guys with whom I wasn't yet familiar. He said, "I want you to have the book." I told him I didn't want to take it, but he wouldn't budge. I got into my mom's car with the book and started to cry a little. I quickly wiped my eyes so no one would see. I didn't know why I was crying. I just knew that it made me feel emotional when he offered me his book. Thinking about it now, I think I cried because I knew Jimmy was giving me something he loved simply because he thought it would make me happy during a time when there wasn't a lot of happiness in my life. And I still love the guy for it. I guess that's why I can't seem to find another dentist.

The Southerners

2009-10-01T00:03:00.000-07:00

Joe and Marcia are old friends of the family. They’re both from Atlanta, Georgia – and as Jews who moved to Miami from New York, they were our first exposure to Southern Jews. We say, “Miami;” they say, “Miam-uh.” We like rye bread; they like white. I don’t know how we saw past the differences to remain friends.

Marcia and my mom were both teachers in my elementary school. Joe is an attorney who, ever since I remember, has led a yearly March of the Living trip which takes Jewish teenagers and brings them to Poland to see some of the concentration camps. The only reason I didn’t go on the trip was because my father was dying of cancer at the time and my mom thought at 16 I had enough on my plate and didn’t need images of the Holocaust piled on top of it. Ironically, it’s been just those encounters with Holocaust survivors which have helped me put my own experiences with death into a different perspective. I love my dad and miss him terribly. His death has had a lasting impact on my life. But when sitting with a guy like Frank, who had to escape to Russia as a boy and then ended up in a Siberian prison, coming out many years later only to find most of his friends and family had been killed by Nazis, you realize just how horrible the world can be and maybe I got off lucky. Concentration Camp trumps Dead Dad any day of the week.

The cool thing about Joe and Marcia is that even if they may still have some regrets – neither want to continue working in their mid-70’s but need to financially – both have found jobs they enjoy, both have found time to take the yearly trips that are important to them, and both have managed (after all these years of marriage) to sit on my mom’s couch before the interview started and flirt. Joe tried to grab Marcia’s boob; Marcia smacked his hand away. They giggled; Then Joe threw his arm around Marcia, and Marcia leaned into Joe, and neither of them moved an inch long after the interview was over.

Joe and Marcia, married for 54 years.

My First Radio Interview

2009-09-24T09:53:00.000-07:00

I was listening to the radio a couple of days ago and I heard the person being interviewed repeatedly use the words "you know" in between all of his sentences. I thought, "That's really, really annoying. I guess that's what some people do when they're nervous."

Yesterday I got an email from Phil Wain, who does a morning show for CKNX, a talk radio show in Ontario, Canada. He asked me if I was available to go on his radio show today. I said, "Sure." I actually thought it was a radio show in Ontario, California and realized much later that my 9:15 a.m. interview was actually 6:15 a.m., as he was in Canada. After the interview, I thought "For having woken up 60 seconds before going on the air, I did a pretty good job." Then, he sent me the audio tape and guess what... I use the phrase, "you know" so often it could become a college drinking game. "Dude, he said 'you know' again - you gotta take a shot of Jager!" Apparently it's not just a nervous technique - it buys you time. And whenever I was fishing for an answer, "um" and "you know" filled the dead air. So I apologize if it's not the brilliant, reflective piece of radio I always imagined. But, it is what it is. As Errol Morris says, "Life is an opportunity to make mistakes that can never be fixed."

Seth Menachem on Phil Wain in the Morning - 9-24-09 by user81179

A Dumb Blonde and Her Friend Get Into an Elevator

2009-09-23T00:03:00.000-07:00

I know a dimly lit parking garage isn’t the best place for an interview, but I had no choice. I shared an elevator with Shirley and Lila and by the time they agreed to talk to me on camera, we had gotten out into the garage. We met at a movie screening put together by the SAG Film Society. Shirley Chambers tells me she was the first “dumb blonde” in the movies, making her film debut in 1932. She tells me on camera that she’s been acting for 50 years, but clearly she made a mistake as it’s been 77 years since her first movie and she’s still acting. If you’re interested in seeing more of Shirley, I came across a website for a documentary movie which was made about her life: http://dumbblondemovie.com/

While Shirley started acting in her teens, Brooklyn born-and-raised Lila didn’t start working as an actor until she was 40. Lila already had a career in publishing when she decided it was time to live out her dream. Best friends for a long time, both women tell me they’re happy with the career choices they made in their lives. I just don’t know if that’s completely the case as according to IMDB, Lila booked a few jobs in the 70’s and early 80’s and hasn’t worked since. While Shirley, the first "dumb blonde" and “Goldwyn Girl,” hasn’t worked in TV or film since 1966. Maybe they’ve been doing commercials (which don’t get listed on IMDB) and maybe they’ve been doing regional theater, but I’m guessing both have gone for long stretches of time without work and I know how hard that is. I need to remember to ask these older actors what it’s been like for them during the times they haven’t been able to find any work. What do they do to keep busy, to keep sane, to keep feeling good about themselves? These days it’s not just actors finding difficulty getting work – it’s an overwhelming amount of people from all walks of life. And since most actors know what it’s like to struggle for long periods without getting the chance to act, I’m sure older actors can offer a lot of insight for the rest of us.

Shirley Chambers, age 96. Lila Teigh, age 83.

Passion Projects

2009-09-20T22:08:00.000-07:00

I saw John's video on the website, Chow.com under a section named Obsessives. The videos profile different people who have become experts in a particular food-related field. There is an expert on pickles, and all things pickled. There is an expert on marmalade. And there's the soda expert, John. He owns and operates a store called Galco's which specializes in unique sodas. The cool thing about these "obsessives" is that they all seem really happy to be doing what they're doing. They are all making a living working on their passion projects and that's just about the best kind of job you can ever have. Although I'd love to go interview John in person, Chow.com did a really good job profiling him. They never directly ask him for advice on life but it's clear when he says, "I don't work. I just play all day long," that he's found the secret to his happiness.

A friend and I sold a TV show to Starz, which we've started to write. They are actually paying us to write a show that we'd star in. That's something I've been trying to do since I've moved to LA - and it's happening. I don't know if Starz is going to put the show on the air but I know I'm going to work my ass off to write the best - and funniest - show I can. I also know that when I go into work tomorrow - my first day working out of the Starz offices - I'll do so knowing that something I worked towards for 13 years in LA, is starting to pay off. And that feels pretty damn good.

Quick Advice

2009-09-15T10:15:00.001-07:00

I passed Abe today as I walked my dog and he called me over to chat. He was sitting on the stoop, as usual. Before I left, I shook his hand. I tried to let go and keep walking but he held a tight grip and pulled me back towards him. He said, "Get wealthy. America is a wealthy country."

Life Advice Viewer Submission - #1

2009-09-14T00:05:00.000-07:00

Joy, a teacher at Venice High School, sent me this submission of her husband's grandfather, Johnnie McHenry Miles. Born and raised in Texas, he spent most of his life in the military as a cook. The oldest of six children, he was married to his wife, Josephine Neal Miles, for over 50 years (she died in the late 1990's). Joy writes, "They had two children, Herbert and Patrick. Herb is featured in the video with his wife Eleanor and their oldest son Elias (my husband). Incidentally, three generations of Miles' have been married on December 27th--Johnnie & Josephine (1945), Herb & Eleanor (1976), and Elias & Joy (2007). (Just figured out every 31 years!) Johnnie is the product of much interracial mixing (Cherokee, Chinese, Black and White), as is his great granddaughter Madeline, featured in the video."

Johnnie McHenry Miles, age 88.

The Good Teacher

2009-09-10T00:17:00.000-07:00

At a sheva brachos - one of the seven parties religious Jews have for the newly married - for a Hasidic couple, I met Chava, the grandmother of the groom. A teacher for 35 years, she raised five children of her own, three of whom are rabbis. Her husband, who died eight years ago, was also a rabbi. She strongly believes that the only reason any children fail in school is because teachers are not paying enough attention to them. She says that teachers need to show they love the children, and the children should have some love for the teacher.

I didn’t have a lot of teachers who shared Chava’s philosophy. I found that most teachers only knew how to teach one way and couldn’t deviate for any kids who looked at things a little differently. There was very little room for creativity and very little time to work with the kids who needed more help. The idea of teachers loving their students sounded so odd to me when I heard her say it. But I remembered a few special teachers who did make a difference in my life. A tenth grade English teacher, Mrs. Ali, took an interest in me and later had me tested for the Gifted program. At 17, I finally realized I might have been smarter than I thought. By 18, I figured out that I was the wrong kind of genius. My kind of genius can hold a decent conversation, write a good short story about what I did for my summer vacation, and figure out puzzles like the Rubiks Cube. The good kind of genius can help cure cancer. Unless I accidentally eat some kind of berry which turns out to isolate any cancer causing genes, I’m probably not going to cure any diseases. But I can film old people giving me advice.

Mort the Peanut Guy

2009-09-08T00:47:00.000-07:00

My friend, Steve invited me to a Dodgers game this weekend. I don’t follow sports – I never did. My dad didn’t, so we didn’t. And on the extremely rare occasions where I find myself at a game, I’m usually at the very top of the stadium. But Steve – who is also my entertainment attorney – has great season tickets with his firm. As their lowest earning client - and the only one who just learned in the last ten years that the Dodgers were no longer in Brooklyn - I have no idea why he wasted them on me. I like playing baseball but never understood the allure of watching the game. Still, the seats were close to the action and almost directly behind home plate. It’s amazing what good seats do for you. I actually found out I loved watching baseball. And when it gets slow there is a constant stream of vendors selling junk food – it’s awesome.

While buying Dibs ice cream bites for Steve’s son, I met a vendor named Mort. I asked him how long he had been working at Dodger Stadium and he told me to guess. 10 years? Not even close. 20? Nope. 30? He laughed. 50 years. He handed me my ice cream, put his money in his pocket, and made his way up the stairs. 50 years hawking ice cream up and down the stadium? I had to talk to this guy. I helped Steve’s son finish his Dibs and told him I’d get him some more. I borrowed a pair of binoculars and spent twenty minutes searching for Mort. I spotted him in another section of the stadium and ran over to talk with him.

When I asked Mort if I could get his advice, he asked me, “Advice on what?” I said, “On anything,” and turned on the camera. He started talking right away. Mort’s one of those rare guys who loves what he does for a living. He loves the customers, he loves meeting people, and he loves the game. He has spent 50 years working the same job. Usually he’s selling peanuts – “people associate me with the peanuts” – but seeing an opportunity on a hot day, he took out the Dibs ice cream.

Mort made my day. He’s warm - and if you care enough to ask, then he’ll take the time to get to know you even when he’s working hard to make a dollar. He’s devoted the majority of his life to working for the Dodgers. And his son is doing the same thing. I hope that the Dodgers pay their respects to Mort this year. He deserves a paid day off where he can sit in the best seat in the house with his son and watch the Dodgers play a game at the stadium. Let someone else bring them some peanuts and Cracker Jack.

Love At First Sight

2009-09-03T02:02:00.000-07:00

Todd, an old friend of mine from Miami, was visiting LA with his parents as their other son who lives here just had a baby. Todd took them to the Farmer’s Market on 3rd – one of my favorite places to get lunch and interview people. I’ve known them all for about 20 years but don’t get to see them much since I’ve been living on the other coast. It was nice catching up but I had to make sure they did one more thing before they left LA... let me interview them. I like what happens when you put couples together on camera. I think the interviews come out great, there’s a lot of subtext, and I love ending the videos with stories about how the couple met.

Gail is a retired teacher, and Michael is a partner in a law firm in Miami with his son, and my friend, Todd. I think having his son as a partner in the firm has allowed Michael to steer closer to retirement. He and Gail purchased a second house in Pennsylvania and Michael has started teaching Principles of Taxation, a fall semester course at Smeal College of Business at Pennsylvania State University. Although to me it sounds like one of the most mind numbing courses I could ever imagine having to take at college, it seems tax attorneys enjoy it. Of course that’s why they’re tax attorneys and I’m writing a blog.

Gail and Michael, married for 39 years.

The College Counselor

2009-09-02T00:04:00.000-07:00

Pearl spent 39 years working in high schools. When she wasn’t teaching, she was working as a college counselor. You know those “College Fairs” they have in schools – the ones where representatives from the universities show up at your high school for a day? She was one of the founders of that program. When asked to help launch the first College Fair, it was her idea to bring in out-of-state schools so the kids would be able to see what other options were out there for them. That’s not a bad legacy to have left behind. She spent her working years educating the youth and helped lead them towards an educational path beyond high school. Although she’s been retired since 1984 she’s still invited by former students to high school reunions from every school where she’s worked. Not only did my high school college counselor not help me make any decisions, I couldn’t even tell you her name.

Pearl, age 85.

To Vanity

2009-08-31T00:35:00.000-07:00

The SAG (Screen Actors Guild) Film Society screenings are always a good place to meet interesting people – especially the older actors who have been doing the grind for many more years than me. As you may have seen in my other postings, the older actors are very different than some of my other older friends. There’s definitely a vanity with the actors that I don’t see with many of the older people I interview. I’m an actor so I can’t deny that a part of me must also be vain, but I generally lean towards the humble. And when I meet vain people I notice it’s harder for me to bond with them than it is other people less obsessed with themselves. Yet the more I listen to other actors, and the more I see how much of a struggle it is for all of us to survive as artists when so much of our success is out of our hands, I understand the focus many actors put on themselves. They – We – are putting ourselves out there every day, auditioning for strangers, performing anywhere and any way we can, while often getting much more rejection than we do praise and acceptance. It’s no wonder that the seemingly shallow things become important to many actors – their faces, their bodies, and their youth. They work hard at roles, reveal their deepest emotions in order to give a great performance, and then are often judged on the superficial. You can either allow every critique of your work and your looks to chisel away at your self worth, or you can fight back by being prideful – not conceited, but proud of who you are – in spite of the often daily rejection we actors face. So, here’s to a little vanity and here’s to the people who spend their lives struggling in order to make a career out of entertaining the rest of us... Actors.

Kathy:

Danna:

Keep Your Mind Busy

2009-08-28T00:06:00.000-07:00

I met Bubby in a used office furniture store in the valley, while I was helping a friend pick out a computer desk. He’s 83, and works part-time in the store - mainly to keep “my mind busy.” Born Berwyn, to the son of a Russian barber, he’s been called Bubby since he was 2-years-old in Chicago. After losing his business and then going through a divorce, Bubby moved to LA to find a “new lifestyle… which I found.” He also found another wife, who he’s been married to for 27 years. He’s now a grandfather, with three biological children and two step children. He loves his family, he loves to play tennis, and he loves to work. And he never wants to stop working – “I’m not in it strictly for the money. I like the idea of talking to people and meeting people.” So do I, Bubby.

Bubby, age 83.

The Red Hat Society

2009-08-26T00:03:00.000-07:00

I was a little tired the day I was in the Farmer’s Market, but on my way out I saw these colorfully dressed women sitting at a table and I had to say Hi. You take a look at them and can’t help but smile. Big red hats, purple dresses, and loud laughter. They drove up to LA from Orange County and they’re a part of the Red Hat Society, a group of women over 50 whose sole purpose is to dress up in tacky clothing and go out and have fun together. Most of their advice was lighthearted but it wasn’t necessarily what they were saying that was so impactful. It was my realization that at any age you need friends. There’s something so important about surrounding yourself with a group who loves you. And, these women – married, divorced, and widowed – all know this. I love my friends and I love being around them. But as life gets busier and families start to grow, I know that we all tend to “nest” a bit more - and sometimes at the expense of our friends. As I’m getting ready to grow my family, I know that I can’t forget my friends. In fact, they’re a part of my family and I want it to stay that way. Maybe there should be a Red Hat Society for men… under 50. Who says I wouldn’t look great in a purple dress and a big red hat? I guess that’s what our grandfathers generation loved about having lodges. It was a way to keep a close bond with friends through your adulthood.

Of course for those of you women reading this who are 50 and over, you have a fun group waiting for you with open arms and oversized hats. Check them out online: www.redhatsociety.com

Marriage and Kids Advice

2009-08-24T00:24:00.000-07:00

My friend, Jesse's parents were visiting LA and having lunch at the Farmer's Market on 3rd street. Married for 38 years I thought they'd be a good couple to film together and get their views on marriage and kids. They enjoy each other and it's obvious to see. When asked about kids, Hani said, "Don't be strict." It turns out he wasn't always so easy. Donna was the pushover. But, I wonder if that's what worked - having that balance. I'm told parents should be on the same page about discipline - especially so kids don't get mixed signals or play one parent off of another. If any of you who have raised kids have opinions, I'm curious to hear them (use the comment box just below this post).

Hani was born and raised in Egypt. He moved to Ohio 50 years ago, where Donna was raised her whole life. A salesman by trade, Hani is also a painter in his free time. At the end of the interview, Donna talked a little further about their marriage. She added, "We're old friends, too. We became friends, too. You can be lovers and then you can be friends. Friends is a really important piece of any marriage or any commitment... because love is, you know, great - but you have to be friends, too. You have to respect each other.

Donna and Hani, married for 38 years.

I Really Need To Meet Morry

2009-08-21T00:03:00.000-07:00

Jean was sitting out on a sidewalk on Pico with her German friend, Marlis, when I met her. I love supporting neighborhood stores so I agreed with her advice that "it's the little guys what [sic] need ya" - though as the landlord I wonder if Ralph's (a big grocery chain) made her a big enough offer if she'd still be singing that tune. Maybe I'm just giving her a hard time since she gave me one when I told her I was looking for advice. Seeing me outside in the middle of a day on a Thursday, she asked, "Why aren't you working?" A valid question. Why aren't I working? But in my defense, I was taking my "little brother" out to lunch. Volunteer work is still work, right?

Her husband, Harry died 11 years ago and the two of them probably owned that building for at least 30-40 years. I interviewed her friend, Marlis, as well but instead of offering advice she went on a slightly erratic, very difficult to follow, rant about sleazy landlords and the old generation. What I did gather from the interview is that Marlis is married to Morry, who now stays at home most days. Although not really advice it wouldn't be fair of me to withhold such gems as, "Morry shtupped every married broad in this area." So, enjoy the added bonus footage.

Since I'm editing with the really simple software that came with the Flip camera, it doesn't always cut together so well. The first line of Jean's gets cut out. She asks me, "What are you taking my picture for?" I tried to fix it but it's taking up way too much time. And, shouldn't you people be reading some of this, anyway?

Jean's Advice:

Marlis tells us about her husband, Morry:

UrbanDaddy.com

2009-08-20T00:57:00.000-07:00

It's a really great feeling to find that people are loving the work you do. I've been getting really nice emails, as well as mentions in blogs and websites. Apparently a lot of girls I know get daily emails from urbandaddy.com, as quite a few forwarded me this article from them. So... thanks UrbanDaddy.

Old School
Why, When They Were Your Age...

There comes a time in every life when you need a little wisdom from somebody who's been there.

And when you have time to get it over an afternoon of chess with your grandfather, great, but in a pinch…you just need it now, and you need it online.

Thankfully, you can now turn to a quaintly revolutionary new LA-based website called, simply, Life Advice From Old People.

The site was created by a roving Fairfax District reporter by the name of Seth Menachem, who turns on his camera whenever he crosses paths with a sage elder who doesn't mind sharing a bit of wisdom with him—and with you—even if it means missing Matlock.

In the parking lot of Whole Foods, he chats up an old Russian mathematician, who's happy to talk about the statistical probability of happiness.

At a backyard barbecue, he gleans pointers from a former Dating Game exec who met his wife in the contestant pool. (Well played, sir. Well played indeed.)

And in Jon Voight's car, he finds Jon Voight—who pontificates upon charity, traffic lights and, most important, how to do battle with a seriously pissed-off Transformer.

Well, okay, maybe not that last one.

Read more: http://www.urbandaddy.com/la/leisure/6498/Life_Advice_From_Old_People_Why_When_They_Were_Your_Age_Los_Angeles_LA_Website

CBS News

2009-08-19T18:24:00.001-07:00

I was contacted by CBS News in LA as they wanted to do a story on the blog. I was excited that they love what I'm doing and my only reservation was that I might come off a bit dorky - like a lonely man who films old people to fill the void in his life. I'm not lonely - I'm just filling the void. Randy Paige was the reporter - a guy who seemed to sincerely like what I was doing with the blog. A friend pulled the video from the CBS site so I could put it on the blog but it's out of sync. I'll post it here anyway, along with a link to see the in sync one on their site.

With Randy Paige:

In the CBS News van:

The link to the video on the CBS Site: (click HERE).

The TV Director

2009-08-17T09:51:00.001-07:00

It's typical for me that one of my most horribly shot and lit interviews should be of a guy who has won 5 Daytime Emmys (three for directing). Barry and his wife have been good friends of my wife's parents for 35 years. The son of an Indiana junkyard owner, his father's business became very successful during WWII because of the need for metals. But Barry wasn't interested in the junk business. Or at least not that kind of junk. He had his eye on entertainment and so he moved out West.

Although Barry says he missed out on directing movies, he knows TV directing has been very good to him and his family. He met his wife while producing The Dating Game where she was a contestant. They fell in love and had a daughter, now a successful theatrical agent. He's directed American Bandstand, New Years Rockin' Eve, Sunday Morning Shootout, and a ton of talk shows (The Wayne Brady Show, The Tony Danza Show, The Ellen DeGeneres Show, etc.) He still directs the Chabad Telethon - a fundraiser for a Hasidic Jewish sect which uses the money to help their charities - as well as red carpet specials for the American Music Awards and the Golden Globes.

Although directing reality TV may have put him in a figurative and literal box, it has afforded him the luxury to be able to retire whenever he'd like (he wouldn't like) and to be able to fund his own independent film if he ever chooses to direct one. I get the feeling he'd rather just kvetch about it.

Barry Glazer, TV Director.

The Russian Mathematician

2009-08-12T00:14:00.000-07:00

I was on line at Whole Foods and Vladimir and his wife, Natasha, were checking out in front of me. Vladimir was dressed very cool - great cap, yellow striped shirt - like a hip looking guy who didn't mean to look hip. I heard the cashier say goodbye to Vladimir in Russian and asked him if he knew him. He said "Yes, he's from Saint Petersburg." I'm not sure why that was my impetus to chase after them but I asked my wife to finish checking out and I ran out the door. I said Hi to him and his wife in the few words I know in Russian and told them about my blog. Natasha told me Vladimir would love to give me advice. A mathematics professor in Russia, he never learned to speak English well. But he told me, "It is now easy for me to learn the English computer because it is the same words, repeat and repeat. But in life it is difficult for me to explain what I say."

Vladimir, age 80.

Miss Mary Mack

2009-08-10T00:05:00.000-07:00

I was walking past the neighborhood newstand on my way home when I saw these two women breeze past me. I called out to them and Mary Mack stopped briefly to give me the time of day. I found it interesting when I asked for advice (in a general way), Mary Mack narrowed the theme down to survival for me. Clearly, it's something she's had to deal with a lot in her life. Although, most of my questions were brushed off with funny one-liners, she had some interesting stuff to say in those jokes. "Let every day take care of itself," is her way of moving on when there are hardships. Don't fixate on the things you can't change and just be happy "to be able to wipe my butt." I am one who needs reminding about letting stuff go. Sometimes I fixate on things I can't change, and it's unhealthy for me. Let it go, move on, and be happy I can wipe my own butt.

As I walked away I heard her shout out the window, "Every day's a good day!"

Mary Mack, age 83.

Mumbai Mirror

2009-08-08T11:04:00.000-07:00

I checked the traffic on my site yesterday and found a disproportionate number of people from India. I didn't know why that was until I checked the referring URL. They had all come from an article in the Mumbai Mirror. It was very cool to read an article which not only wrote about my blog, but wrote about my blog so intuitively. Mihir Patkar, whoever you are, Thank You. I have no idea if most people find the elderly as interesting as I do. And, I have no idea if people really give a crap about the journey I'm taking. Regardless, I throw it out there for the world to see and hope for the best. It was really nice to find this come back at me.

Life Advice From Old People

A young man, a camera and a world full of wise old people willing to share some advice

By Mihir Patkar

In India, we are raised with a reverence for those who are older than us. As a kid or a rebellious teenager, the reason for that often seems mysterious. Just because someone is older means they know more? It’s only with age itself that you realise that there is simply no substitute for experience – and that’s what age gives you.

I came across today’s site while surfing one of my favourite geek-tips resources, MakeUseOf, where author Guy McDowell had a very nice way of putting across why senior citizens give the best advice. He wrote: “I like to think they are senior in the way a General is senior to a Colonel. Not senior just because they’ve survived, but because they have overcome.”

This message is prevalent throughout Seth Menachem’s blog, Life Advice From Old People. The blog-based format works best for this one, as there is no more content than an update every few days that has new advice from a senior citizen that the author spoke to.

Basically, Menachem always travels around with his trusty camcorder, and his extroverted nature draws him towards elders. Striking up a conversation, he then asks them to record a short message or a few words of advice for the youth in general.

Now, this would have seemed random at first, but Menachem takes the pains to talk to the subject, figure out a bit about their lifestyle and create a nice profile in the process. It is more a journey you take with him, rather than a video you watch about some random old guy.

Menachem has even got some celebrities on video, with the likes of Oscar-winning actor Jon Voight and Oscar-winning director Errol Morris.

The clips are usually short, succinct and good-humoured. In any case, only a fool would refuse free advice, right?

http://www.mumbaimirror.com/article/22/2009080720090807130448937575dbca5/Life-Advice-From-Old-People.html

The Kosher Maven

2009-08-07T00:05:00.000-07:00

Sylvia writes for an industry magazine as "The Kosher Maven" (expert) so it wasn't too odd that I met her at the grocery store at the end of my block, Western Kosher. Off camera, she was extremely talkative. She told me she was rushing around to get ready for Shabbat, but she continued to stand there and give me tips on healthy eating - even telling me about "Earth Kosher," a new label that came out which is entirely organic. I wasn't raised in a kosher home but when I asked her why a non-religious person should eat kosher she told me it's the healthiest - especially the Lubavitch meat, which she likes the best. She said with kosher meat there are no hormones added and the animals are treated better before they are killed. They aren't put in cages because there's too much risk of disease. A good point and a valid argument but am I the only one who finds it just a little off-putting that kosher chicken seems to be covered in feathers?

Her first piece of advice - Gam zu l'tovah - "This, too, is for the best," is a Jewish concept which says that even when seemingly bad things are happening it is for a better reason. I've heard stories of this - things along the lines of a guy who is late to catch a flight and races to the airport. Maybe he gets a flat tire on the freeway. He changes the tire and then a few miles from the airport another tire pops. He's stranded and the flight he was trying to get flies right over his head. Later, he hears of a plane crash - his missed flight. Gam Zu L'tovah. I made that story up but you get the idea. The thing is, it's a nice concept - and religious people (not just Jews) hold on to this idea that everything that happens to us is for a reason - a reason which we might not understand because God doesn't want us to. I wish I believed that way. It would make my life a lot easier. But, I can't. I try but it doesn't work for me. I feel like if there is a God then He's not paying much attention to me or anyone else's lives.

I have this image of a kid who gets an ant farm. He's excited - he puts in the soil, balances it with the right amount of moisture, and feeds the ants the necessary food. It's fun to watch them build things in their new world and when the boy sees an ant tunnel collapsing, he adds some moiture in order to build up the strength of the sand. But as time goes by the boy grows tired of his ant farm... and soon, it's sitting on a shelf somewhere left abandoned by its creator. The ants build tunnels, fight for resources, mate, and go about their lives. But when a tragedy happens - a drout, a tunnel collapse - the ants are on their own. There's no gam zu l'tovah, even if they wish it to be. They might say it, but deep down they all know - they've been left to their own devices a long time ago.

Whatever You Do, Think Long Term

2009-08-05T00:28:00.000-07:00

Richard's my mom's boyfriend - a term that still sounds a little odd to me 17 years after my dad died, but I better get used to it. I can't get rid of the guy. And I'm glad my mom's found someone who makes her happy. Even if he is a curmudgeon.

Richard was born in Harlem, NY and raised in Washington Heights. His family was poor - his father ran an unsuccessful business waxing floors with two other guys in factories in New Jersey. From the age of six, Richard worked. His first job was selling Liberty Magazines for five cents out of a pouch thrown over his shoulder. He then delivered kosher meat for a butcher, worked in a dry cleaning business, and did various other odd jobs until he went to the University of Miami, where his family moved for his father's next venture - an unsuccessful men's store on Miami Beach. Richard worked there through college.

After getting a business degree, he became a CPA. He worked for a few years before starting his own firm which - unlike his father's businesses - became very successful in Miami. Although financially he did very well, he grew bored with accounting and soon got himself involved in more intellectually stimulating business pursuits. He got into the banking business and then, after working continuously from the age of six, he retired at 54.

Richard's a very singularly-focused man. And, it wasn't until after retirement where he was really able to flourish in other areas of his life. His wife, Rosie taught him about art, music, and theater. He became an avid collecter of art, as well as a patron of the theater and concert halls, all facilitated by his wife.

Although he has a beautiful house in Aspen, he spends most of his time in Manhattan or Miami. And, when he's not there, he's traveling the globe with my mom. He's the kind of guy who says what he thinks and makes no apologies for having said it. I love that there's nothing fake about him, though his bluntness can offend the more sensitive. He's extremely smart, with a great head for business, yet has been completely supportive of my creative pursuits. In fact, when I went to him for some business advice he told me to forget investing in business at this point. He said I should stick with what I'm doing and was confident that it had a good chance of bringing me a lot of success - "It's a no brainer." His advice often comes unsolicited, though it would be wise to listen to him. And if I ever look uncertain about what he's just told me, he'll smile proudly and say, "I gave you some pretty good advice." Who can argue with that?

Richard's advice to everyone:

Richard's advice to me:

Farmer Tom

2009-08-03T08:47:00.000-07:00

Tom raises cattle on a ranch in Aspen, Colorado. Unlike most farmers, Tom started his life over and became a farmer at 65. As a child, he was born in Amsterdam and fled with his mom and sister during the war. His father stayed back to run the business, in denial about what was happening to Jews. While Tom and his family settled at an uncle's house in New York, Tom's father was being killed in Auschwitz. Tom's uncle had a farm which never made much money, but his uncle loved what he did for a living. That's more than you can say for most people who go to work every day. Tom also loved farming. When it was time for college, Tom's mother pushed him to be like the rest of his family - rabbis, doctors, lawyers, and businessmen. She sent him to NYU to get an aptitude test to see what they thought he should be doing. With questions like, "Would you rather read a book or take a walk in the woods," Tom had no difficulty convincing them - and his mother - he was meant for farming. He went to agriculture school and later became a grain merchant. He raised a family and continued in business as people tend to do. Then, fed up with having never tried to fulfill his dream, he took his savings and bought a herd of wagyu cattle, which make a very high end beef, such as Kobe and Mishima.

I loved the morning my family and I spent with Tom. He's smart, interesting, and the kind of guy who takes healthy chances in life. Being on a ranch is extremely relaxing. And the cows are really cool animals. When we were pulling out, one of the cows poked her whole head into the car to say bye to my wife. She didn't want us to leave. Neither did I.

Tom, age 70.

Don't Be Afraid To Try Anything

2009-08-02T13:08:00.000-07:00

I met Bill outside of Woody Creek Tavern in Aspen, Colorado, most known for being the hangout of Hunter S. Thompson. He saw my mom's Boston Red Sox hat and started up a conversation. We're not from Boston, but he is. And, although he's been in Aspen for 42 years he still has the Boston accent. I have an uncle who lives in Boston and in high school I spent a summer there where I learned how to play jazz drums at Berklee School of Music. Although I learned to love jazz, I spent more time in Little Steve's House of Pizza then I ever did in class. I still miss that place - with the hookers, college kids, drunks, and other characters piling in for huge slices of pizza. But I digress. Bill's a quiet man - I'm actually not sure what he was doing at Woody's that afternoon. He wasn't eating or waiting to eat. He was just watching people come and go. Bill came to Aspen to get into the ski industry but when things didn't work out the way he planned he gave something else a shot - and he learned he was pretty good at it. When I asked him how he got to his advice he said, "I had pretty good mentors." I think that's an important part of success - finding the right people who can help you along the way and not being afraid to ask for help.

Life Advice From Kids

2009-07-28T21:26:00.000-07:00

I wanted to mix it up a bit and since I've been spending so much time with my nephews on vacation I thought it would be fun to ask them the same question I've been asking older people. It's interesting to see the perspectives of people in the final chapters of their lives versus those just starting to crack the book.

My nephews are great kids - they're very different from each other and all really interesting in their own way. They play, they fight, they all mature in different ways.

Jackson's extremely sharp - nothing gets by him... even when you want it to. In a room full of adults, he'll catch everything they say and then he'll try to figure it out if it's something he's never heard before. Because of his maturity and ease when he speaks with adults, it's easy to forget he's only seven. I can picture him running a very succesful hedge fund one day. His brother, Cooper's, the comedian. He loves to laugh and to make people laugh. When he realized that doing "the robot" dance made me laugh, he did it for me over and over again. Most likely to end up a stand-up comedian, hopefully he'll learn to leave them laughing. Their cousin, Neal, is quiet around strangers yet when he comes back home will ask his parents about every single thing he overheard the adults saying. He's an observer. More cautious of new experiences than the other kids, he's also fiercely loyal to them. He could be the head of an old school Mafia family. His brother, Liam, is the youngest of the nephews (he just turned four) and he's "delicious" as my grandma would say. While most kids have difficulty sharing, Liam is happy to share with people he loves. When the other boys are running around outside, Liam will climb onto the couch with you and cuddle. He likes people, makes friends easily, and is just a little bit sneaky. Neal's toys seem to always magically end up in his room. He'd make a brilliant politician.

Jackson, age 7.

Cooper, age 4.

Neal, age 6.

Liam, age 4.

Keep Doing What You Love Doing

2009-07-26T16:25:00.000-07:00

I'm on vacation in Aspen, Colorado this week. It's nice to get a change of atmosphere even if it does involve sharing a rented apartment with nearly every member of my family. And, unlike in LA, the air here is... um, what's that word... fresh. I also decided to ask my advice question a little differently. A couple of people have written to me requesting that I ask for advice for everyone - not just me. Though my thought has always been that in getting advice for myself, people could take what's applicable to them and do with it what they want, I figured I'd try something new. I like getting advice from the people who support the blog and even if I don't agree with it all, I'm willing to try things different ways to see how it goes.

I met Esther while waiting for my sister to gather her kids and meet me at the gondola which goes up to Aspen Mountain. After doing my usual mediocre interviewing job, I found out she had worked as a Senior Producer at 60 Minutes, a show I love and watch every week. Morley Safer, Lesley Stahl, Steve Kroft, Mike Wallace, and Andy Rooney, you curmudgeonly bastard - I'd love to speak with all of you. I have a lot to learn.

Jewish Journal

2009-07-25T23:21:00.000-07:00

I wrote a column in the Jewish Journal of Los Angeles this week (jewishjournal.com).

July 22, 2009
New Old Friends

by Seth Menachem

From left: Frank, Seth and Abe. Photo by Dan Kacvinski

I’ve recently become close with Abe and Frank, two older guys in my neighborhood. At 90 and 88 respectively, they’re not the typical age of my other friends. At first I wasn’t sure if it was friendship. Maybe they were just humoring me or passing the time. Why would old people want to be friends with me, a 35-year-old?

But then there was one day I heard a knock on my neighbor’s door. Soon the voice of an older man, who sounded confused as he spoke with my neighbor, grabbed my attention. I peeked through the blinds and there was Frank. two-thirds the way up my neighbor’s stairs, his hand gripping the railing intensely.

Frank had seen me entering my apartment on a few occasions, but didn’t know exactly where I lived. I don’t even think he had remembered my name at that point. I helped him down the neighbor’s stairs and then back up to my apartment.

“I just came to say hi,” he told me.

As we sat on my couch and chatted, that’s when I knew we were friends.
Almost every day Frank walks over to Abe’s house, where they sit on the stoop and speak to each other in Yiddish. I would pass by as I walked my dog, and soon I was sitting with them (they switched to English for me). I’d spend upward of an hour talking to them, sharing details about my life, but my interest was in learning about their lives.

I’ve always felt a kinship with the elderly. I’m sure, in part, it’s because of the close relationship I had with my grandparents. But it could also be my penchant for comfortable clothing and early-bird specials.

Collecting advice from the older generation, thanks to Abe and Frank, suddenly became a habit, which in turn inspired me to start a blog (LifeAdviceFromOldPeople.com). The blog collects pearls of wisdom from aging Hollywood celebrities to people like Abe, whose advice to me always focuses on finding a good job and getting paid for whatever I do. I think that’s mainly why he agreed to talk to me for my blog. He mistakenly thinks this is a living. How am I supposed to tell him I just enjoy it?

I started collecting advice because I love to hear from the older generation. I miss my grandparents, my dad died when I was 18, and I live far from my family on the other side of the country. Collecting advice is a way for me to constantly evaluate the choices I’ve made in life. I’ve also met some pretty great people. And, I’ve learned that they get something out of giving me the advice, as well – a reminder that what they say matters.
The blog is barely a month old and it’s still difficult for me to walk over to someone, introduce myself and then ask for some life advice. I feel like I did when I was single, nervously approaching an attractive girl. I used to break my neck at a nice pair of gams in a short skirt; Now I cross the street to chat with the lady holding a walker.

I get “no” on a daily basis. We’re not used to strangers coming over to us and asking for our opinions on life. Also, the word “blog” doesn’t exactly resonate with someone born before 1940. But, once there’s a “yes,” something interesting happens. People begin to open up, and they usually don’t want to end the conversation.

Not all of the advice is the most original or brilliant:

“Be happy.”
“Enjoy life.”
“Have friends.”

These aren’t gems destined to change the way we look at life, nor are they roadmaps for how to accomplish them. But the people giving me advice have influenced me with their stories.

Some of the advice has been powerful.

Jon Voight, a man whom I probably have little in common with politically, has given me advice I still think about. I was lucky enough to spot him in my neighborhood, hanging out with a friend, another man I’d interviewed.
“Cherish the beautiful things you have, take care of your health, and go forward and be a good guy,” Voight told me. “When it’s all finished, look back and say, ‘I was one of the good guys,’ and then you’ll be fine.”

And after directing me in a commercial, I was lucky enough to ask Oscar-winning director Errol Morris for advice.

“Life is an opportunity to make mistakes that can never be fixed,” he told me. Maybe he was right. I should strive to be a better person – always. But, when I make a mistake, don’t keep kicking myself. Accept it and move on.

Frank, one of the guys who inspired this whole project, told me how important it is for him to lead a “quiet life.” That was his advice to me, both on and off camera. He doesn’t want for more than is necessary. He reminds me of the importance of simplicity, and after striving for the simple and basic pleasures, being content and happy with what you have.

Even when the advice doesn’t seem as interesting as I had hoped, or one person is not as eloquent as another, I take pleasure in the conversation and in getting to know someone new.

And now I have a whole lot of new old friends.

Murray just mailed me pictures of his art, and asked me to spend time with him in his studio while he paints. David wants me to go with him to a blues club I recommended. Mollie asked that I come to her house for a Sunday brunch. I’m even receiving invitations for Shabbat dinners and drinks – simply for stopping strangers and asking them for a little advice.

Seth Menachem is an actor and writer living in Los Angeles. His blog can be seen at www.lifeadvicefromoldpeople.com.

Life Is Like A Blooming Flower

2009-07-23T17:38:00.000-07:00

I spent the afternoon with Simcha, my 14-year-old "little brother" in the Jewish Big Brothers Big Sisters program. He's a sweet kid who's having a tough time but I know he'll pull through it. After lunch I asked him if he wanted to help me with my blog. I've been teaching him a little bit about filmmaking, and we've even started to keep a video record of him discussing this tumultuous time in his life. I think one day he'll really appreciate seeing it all cut together.

We saw Marva getting up from a table where she was having lunch with a friend, and we asked her if she'd speak with us. Simcha was supposed to do the talking but he chickened out (that's right Simcha - I said it!). It turns out Marva is originally from Atlanta and graduated from Spelman College (entirely female). Having learned the little I know about film by taking classes at Clark Atlanta (a traditionally black university in the same area as Spelman), I had met many Spelman women - or at least I tried to meet many Spelman women :). I asked Marva, "Why do Spelman girls get all dressed up to go to class?" They were notorious for it. She said, "Not when I went to school. I didn't have any money. I had one outfit for four years!"

After the interview she asked for my info as it turns out she's a screenwriter and wants some help in producing a movie. I didn't have the heart to tell her I could barely produce a blog.

I'm Adopting A New Grandma

2009-07-21T15:40:00.000-07:00

A friend introduced me to Mollie at a party. He's gay and knows her through the Response group at Valley Beth Shalom, in which she's very involved. She lost her son, Nathaniel to AIDS in 1989 and has since become involved in many organizations, like the Gay Men's Chorus of Los Angeles and Project Chicken Soup (PCS), where she cooks kosher food for anybody - Jew or Gentile - living with HIV/AIDS, and delivers it to their houses.

I first interviewed Mollie at PCS on Fairfax, where at almost 89 she still drives over the hill from the valley to work every Sunday. Somehow I accidentally deleted the footage, so I drove to her house last night where we could talk some more. Although I was upset about losing the first interview, in retrospect I'm glad it happened; Mollie fed me homemade chocolate chip peanut butter cookies and sent me home with blueberry bread. She's also a pretty awesome woman with whom I was lucky enough to spend time.

Born in New York City in 1920, she had to always find ways to make money. As the middle child of three girls, "I didn't have the privilege of the older, nor the spoiling of the younger. So I had to sort of fight for myself." She and her mother used to walk half a mile to save a penny on a "particular food item." At five-years-old, Mollie would hang out at her uncle's drug store which had phone booths inside the store. "People would get calls and I'd run and get the people to come to the phone and they'd give me 2 cents, 3 cents... and if someone gave me a nickel, that was a lot of money." She liked having her own money so she didn't have to ask her mother for the dime to see a movie or get a piece of candy.

At 18, she met her husband. They courted for awhile as he was working hard to support his family. When WWII broke out they got engaged. They were both determined to not give in to temptation before marriage and therefore when they would see each other they would be chaperoned by family. When I asked her if it was difficult for him to resist her, she said, "Many times we were in the middle of conversation and he'd get up suddenly and say, 'Oh, I gotta go' and he'd leave." Thinking the war would only last six months, they waited to get married; but six months flew by, the war was still raging, and he was about to be shipped off. He told her her wanted to marry her right there and then. So, they got married at the USO with a local rabbi - no white gown or the "usual flashy stuff that goes with a wedding, but that didn't affect our love." It was during the marriage where she realized how much she loved to cook. In 1953, with three small boys, they moved to California. 22 years later, the morning after they hosted a really fun dinner party, Mollie's husband died of a heart attack at age 56. Completely shocked, Mollie had a lot of support from her friends and co-workers at a school for disabled children where she worked. "When I finally got over the devastation and the realization that I was gonna be on my own from now on, I decided that I couldn't bring him back but I was going to make the most of the rest of my life."

And, Mollie did. She traveled all over the world, spending a great deal of time in Japan after discovering a free program which brought older Americans into Japanese homes to live for weeks at a time.

Her son Nathaniel, a graduate from Albert Einstein Medical School in NY, was the first doctor to practice treating and researching AIDS. He died of the same disease he tried to eradicate. Mollie had always suspected that he was gay but "I sort of denied it." Still, when the truth came out, Mollie told her son that she loved him and whatever would make him happy would make her happy. "It took him awhile to get adjusted to my acceptance because children don't see their parents the way other people do." Mollie joined PFLAG (Parents, Families, & Friends of Lesbians and Gays) and then met her son's boyfriend, Michael who she looks at as a "fourth son." When Nathaniel was very sick, Mollie flew to NY to see him. Michael had been spending every night on the floor of the hospital room to be with Nathaniel. "They had a little ceremony in which they exchanged rings and all the other doctors and the nurses came in. And when I saw those two I said to myself, 'There's no rabbi, priest, minister... no one in the world can tell me that this kind of love is wrong - this kind of love isn't real. This kind of devotion can be taught to a lot of straight couples who don't know how to act towards each other.'"

Mollie Pier, age 88.

On career:

On death:

Be Happy And Marry With A Good Woman

2009-07-17T00:00:00.000-07:00

Marcello's a cheerful guy who loves to people watch. When I walked over to him, he said to me, "I know you," but I'm not sure he's right - I'd never forget such a great face. He moved from Italy to LA for acting but when I asked how he made a living he told me, "I do everything." I needled him, "Construction? Car Mechanics? Juggling?" He laughed and answered, "Anything to get some money." He loves America - so much so that when talking about Italian pizza he said, "Over here it's much better." Maybe in NY - but LA? I've eaten in a lot of pizza places in this city and I haven't seen it yet. A widower, I know how much he meant it when I asked him the key to happiness and he responded, "The key? Be happy and marry with a good woman."

Go To Temple Every Morning And Night

2009-07-16T00:00:00.000-07:00

Sonny often passes in front of my apartment building with his caretaker, Edith. When she's not with him on the weekends he takes walks alone. Disabled and prone to seizures, he leans on a four-pronged cane and has little use of his right hand - the wrist permanently bent inwards since birth. Seeing that always made me reluctant to bother him. He often walks by without even looking up at me. But, when I said Hi to him yesterday, he stopped walking and returned the greeting. I told him about the blog and said "I'm collecting advice from older people I meet." I asked if he was comfortable being filmed and he told me it was fine.

Although Sonny has many medical problems, he managed to deliver everything on foot while working as a newspaper delivery person for at least 20 years (he couldn't remember exactly for how long he worked). He used to hang a delivery bag off of his disabled right arm while tossing the newspapers with the good left arm; then his father eased his burden and bought him a golf bag for his deliveries. One day, someone stole it. "Why? I don't know why," he repeated to me. "Then my brother bought me another one." When I asked him if he enjoyed work, he said, "Yeah. It gave me something to do."

Enjoy Every Moment Right Now

2009-07-15T11:43:00.000-07:00

Sophia is my friend, Sophie's grandmother (Sephardic Jews name their children after the living) who's visiting from Caracas, Venezuela. How cool is this abuela? We were at a birthday party with her Israeli-American family and I asked them to lower the music for a few minutes so we could speak (and Sophie could translate for me). The Israelis lasted two minutes before the music went back up again. What is it with Israelis needing everything - even family barbecues - to resemble a nightclub? Well, Sophia had no complaints. She enjoyed her family, the sun, and the day - and she never said a word. I thought old people are supposed to complain a lot. Why was I the only one screaming, "Does the music have to be so loud?! And, what's with all the smoke from the barbecue? And, why's the food so spicy - don't Sephardim get acid reflux, too?"

Please forgive the bad editing. I'm learning as I go and I'm having a lot of technical difficulties. My computer's getting up in years. If it could give me advice, it would probably recommend putting it in "a home" and giving it a break already. I think it's time for a younger model.

Sophia, age 85.

Keep Moving

2009-07-13T00:12:00.000-07:00

Aurelia grew up in Pennsylvania, the wife of a telephone repairman. I spotted her walking with her big glasses, big earrings, and big hair. But, the first thing I spotted was that hair. I wish I backed up a little bit more so everyone can see what I did.

Aurelia moved to LA because her husband was sick of climbing telephone poles in the harsh weather on the East Coast. She took a job working for the phone company and then later for the department store, Robinsons-May in Beverly Hills, until they went out of business.

Retired, Aurelia's not sure what to do with herself. She wants to work but said, "No one wants to hire an 80-year-old to work for them." I asked her if she needed the money, and she said she didn't - "I just like working." So, I gave her some advice and recommended that she find some kind of volunteer work and start keeping herself busy. We talked for awhile about all her options and she thanked me before she left. My friend, Neil who was with me when I ran into her, turned to me and said, "I thought it was called Life Advice From Old People!"

Aurelia, age 80.

Be Good To Your Friends

2009-07-11T23:59:00.000-07:00

I met Yesu (I'm sure I'm spelling her name wrong so if anyone reading this is more familiar with Chinese names, feel free to correct me) in The Grove (an outdoor mall in LA) where she was sitting with her son, Patrick. Visiting from China, she was in town for only a few days. They drove down from Oakland where Patrick now lives. Yesu speaks no English so I had her son translate for me. A housewife to a husband in the Chinese military (he's now 88), Yesu is a practicing Buddhist.

Yesu, age 82.

Live The Life You Want To Live

2009-07-10T17:49:00.000-07:00

I see Mavis every now and then but we've never had the chance to speak. Today I saw her on Fairfax carrying bags of groceries and I stopped her. I asked her if she'd talk to me and she said, "Sure." She gave me some good advice and rushed off. I just showed the clip to my wife, Carrie who said, "I've never seen that woman in my life." I said, "She lives right next door." Carrie took a beat. "It's good you're filming these people."

The Austrians

2009-07-08T11:17:00.000-07:00

I met these women at the Farmer's Market on 3rd and Fairfax in LA. I'm there a lot. It's in walking distance from my house, there's a variety of (mostly) good food, and I often meet interesting people. I love hearing their stories. When I introduced myself to these three women I realized I was talking to gentiles from Austria. I'm not one to care if anyone's Jew or Gentile - my friends have been all kinds. But, I guess I realized that when meeting gentiles from Austria - especially ones who are over 80 - I can't help but wonder what they were doing during WWII in a country which was part of the Third Reich. Stranger still, was when Lily's friend told me how she met Alice's sister while living in South America after the war, and how they became life long friends. Isn't that where Nazis hid after the war? I had so many questions - all of which I was too afraid to ask. Instead, I just asked them for advice.

I Like The Life

2009-07-07T09:56:00.000-07:00

I was in Silverlake taking a walk when I saw Andres standing in his yard. I said Hi and was surprised when I heard his accent. Having grown up in Miami, an overwhelmingly Cuban city, I recognized it right away. You don't meet a ton of Cubans in LA. Andres came from Cuba in 1956 and moved to Miami. He couldn't find any work at the time so he moved to LA where he worked his whole life in Spanish radio covering the news. When I asked him if I could get some advice from him for a project I was doing, he was happy to oblige... even if he wasn't sure what I was asking.

The Actors

2009-07-07T01:14:00.000-07:00

I saw a couple of movies this weekend as I'm a member of the SAG Film Society, the Screen Actors Guild group that puts together movie screenings. There's a great group of older actors who belong to the society and I spoke with a few of them this weekend.

I saw Phyllis on Saturday afternoon at such a packed screening for Public Enemies that we didn't get in to see the show. They have a few screenings a day so my wife and I came back for the later showing, but the median age dropped by about 50 years and there was no one who fit the advice-giving bill. Luckily, I got one interview that afternoon. I thought Phyllis had an interesting look when I saw her and I walked right over and asked if she would mind giving me some advice. When I tried to talk to her off camera, she wouldn't talk to me anymore. She said, "I don't know who you are," an implication I thought having to do with a fear of being taken advantage. She was with a younger woman who laughed, but when I pushed it I realized that Phyllis was less worried about being taken advantage of and more worried about not having her ego stroked. She was really bothered I didn't recognize her for her work. When I asked her what she had been in, she refused to tell me. I said, "What's your last name? I'll look you up." She said, "I told you enough. I shouldn't have to give you my name."

The Sunday screening of Answer Man was more fun. The movie was lighter, shorter, and had a character who was questioning God and chose to write a book in which he posed all the questions to God that bothered him. Because it was an earlier screening we had an older crowd so I was happy. I spoke with a few really cool people. Murray is an actor who used to be a principal as well as a professor of art. He was married for 37 years before his wife passed away and then remarried an actor named Roz, who was with him at the screening. They've been together for 20 years. They are a really nice couple - funny and warm.

Howard was there with his wife, Meg. He tells a funny story about her start in the movie business at age two so I kept it in the video clip, even if it does veer a bit from the "advice" theme. He was really proud of his wife and it was nice to see. He was also pretty happy that SAG has dental insurance as apparently the US Army - even after a guy's fought in WWII and Vietnam - doesn't really care much about your teeth.

Meg is Howard's wife. She's still beautiful in her 80's and works as a portrait painter when she's not acting - www.sargentportraits.com. So far, this has been the most internet savvy of the older people I've interviewed so I promised them I'd email the link to the site after I posted it. I hope they like it.

My Father-In-Law

2009-07-06T10:10:00.000-07:00

Roy is funny. He's a writer - not a performer - yet when his public persona is on, it's like watching a stand-up comic. And, like a stand up comic, he's also full of fears. He's learned to cope with his fears by making jokes. I interviewed him in front of his pool - one in which he's never swam because he doesn't know how. "My Italian mother would yell 'Stay away from the water!' when we were kids. So, we stayed away."

Roy was an Artists Relations Manager in the music business. He was very successful and dealt with a ton of famous acts, though when music started leaning away from the jazz and mellower rock he loved, he stepped away from the industry. He always loved writing and he decided to pursue it. He had a lot of friends in the business and they tested him out as a writer on their shows. They liked what he did and soon he was writing episodes of The Love Boat. Then, he quickly moved up the ranks to head writer on The New Hollywood Squares. He went on to write for some other game shows, but when those shows came to an end so did Roy's TV writing. He was still talented, but he had never gotten an agent. He thought he didn't need one. And, so he struggled for the first time in a very long time.

Roy focused his energy on writing for national magazines, as well as plays - all comedies - and continues to do so to this day. He's gotten a few plays produced and is very involved with his theater company, Theater West, and the theater community at large.

Roy's the most brilliant "roaster" I've ever seen. For a Jew to admit that to an Italian is a tough thing. Whether rehearsed or not, his speeches never fail to put people in hysterics. At Carrie and my wedding he introduced himself as, "My name is Roy, and I'm a Catholic," and then proceeded to tell a fictional story about my Hasidic rabbi helping him to write the speech from inside of a strip club. Sure, getting laughs might be easier at a wedding or a birthday, but Roy can do it at funerals. At the memorial service for his best friend, Charlie - friends since they were kids in Mount Vernon, NY - Roy stood at the dais and said he'd like to speak about the Charlie he knew as a kid, "before he fell prey to the evils of the gay community." The mostly gay men at the funeral were falling off of their chairs in laughter and tears.

Roy's a creature of habit. He wakes up, eats the same cereal, does his chores around the house, has the same salad for lunch, and so on. But, as my mother-in-law, Carol has been struggling with breast cancer, Roy's been forced to step outside of his comfort zone. This requires facing some fears. After I interviewed him, Carol shouted out to Roy, "I really want to go to Pho for dinner," a Vietnamese restaurant where they have the healthier food she's been trying to eat. Roy looked at me and said, "Vietnamese? What am I going to eat there?" I said, "You'll have some soup." He replied, "That's a meal? Soup?" But then he turned towards Carol and shouted back, "I don't know what it is but we'll try it." Carol and I gasped. It took 75 years but he's ready to try something new.

Go To Toledo, Spain While You're Still Young

2009-07-03T14:41:00.000-07:00

Manny is the kind of guy you imagine riding with on a motorcycle trip through South America. He's macho, loves to travel, and enjoys adventures. The only reason he doesn't still ride a motorcycle is because a friend of his got into a wreck while riding in Argentina and it caused permanent brain damage. Manny was 22 and his parents wanted him to get rid of his motorcycle. He and his friends all sold their bikes for travel money, and when he told his parents, "I sold my motorcycle," he followed it up with, "and I'm using the money to go on a vacation to Los Angeles." Like so many who end up coming to LA, he never left.

1965 was a great year to be in Los Angeles. The hippy movement was strong, he saw Jimi Hendrix and The Beatles play in concert, and Manny was blessed with good looks. Although he tells me, "I had to push the women away," I think he allowed quite a few to get through the cracks.

On a trip to Toledo, Spain with a girlfriend, he saw the older tourists struggling to walk through the hilly, narrow streets, and fanning themselves because of the oppressive summer heat. He told me, "Travel while you still can," and although I don't have it on camera I think it's a great piece of advice.

I asked Manny about any mistakes he made over the years. He told me that he has regrets about leaving his family. "I lost all the years with all [sic] my father, mothers, sisters, everybody... so I never saw them grow up. So I think that's one of my mistakes. And if I has [sic] to do it again, I don't think I'd do it. I have two daughters - really nice, very beautiful person [sic] - and this is one thing why I'd do it again, because of them. But if I have to think about it, I lost too many things to get these two daughters that I have. I lost a lot."

I interviewed Manny in the back of a restaurant, the night his daughter's boyfriend surprised her with a marriage proposal. We wanted to sit at a table where the workers eat between shifts and take smoking breaks but a very drunk customer had taken it over; so we stood. Manny told me his oldest daughter, Jen was proposed to "by a very nice guy, Jeff. And, I'm really happy for him." Realizing he was getting more emotional on camera than he tends to like people to see, he finished, "That's it. That's all I want to say."

We went back in to the restaurant and talked for the rest of the night.

Stay Married

2009-07-03T00:30:00.000-07:00

Stay Married... says the divorced Romanian. Helena's a sweet lady in the neighborhood who owns a black cat. She brought home the cat thinking he would be an inside cat but quickly learned that he had no interest in being cooped up in her apartment. So now he sits on the front steps of the apartment building watching over everything and everyone. I'm highly allergic to cats but I always found her cat interesting enough to sit next to every once in awhile. He looks smart - like if he could talk I imagine we'd have some really deep conversations. Sure, I'd get tired of being so deep all the time but there's a slobbery pitbull across the street who likes to ogle the female dogs who pass by and I know he'd be up for some lighter talks.

Helena was standing outside when she saw me approaching her cat. She warned me, "He doesn't like people." So when her cat slinked over to me for some loving, Helena was surprised. "Wow, he must know you," she said. I told her we were old friends. Although hesitant to go on camera to give me advice, I think it was seeing me with her cat which tilted the luck in my favor.

Helena left Romania during the war. Although she didn't have the immediate fear that my Jewish neighbors had, she said, "There was always a problem with the Russians." She moved to Austria where she met her husband. Then years later they moved to New York. She got divorced but made a living as a property manager in a high rise building in the city. She told me she loved her job because she was able to talk to all kinds of people all day and that was her favorite thing to do. I said, "I like to talk to people, too." She looked at me for a beat - "I can tell."

Helena, over 80.

Academy Award Winner Jon Voight

2009-07-01T23:12:00.000-07:00

I met Jon in 2001 when I worked at a division of his production company. We had talked a few times but he didn't spend much time in the office as he was often busy working. One of the execs, curious to see me act, had asked me to perform a monologue for Jon. When I was done performing, Jon told me that while he watched me he had to hold back from standing up and acting with me right there. He was being hyperbolic, I'm sure, but he made me feel great. Then he spent the day making fun of the way I walked and talked because I fidgeted a lot around the office. But, outside of doing some errands for him we never spent much time together. I've run into him a few times over the years but I only worked there a short time and I know he has no recollection of me. Still, I always liked him.

Today I was heading home with some friends when I saw Jon sitting in his car outside of Al Schwartz's apartment. Al's always told me how good Jon's been to him over the years. I normally leave them alone when they're chatting in his car but after interviewing an Oscar winner yesterday, I felt it was pretty serendipitous to find another one at the end of my block. I didn't want to miss a good opportunity. So, I walked over to Jon's car and Al lowered the window. I said Hi to the guys and asked Jon if he had seen the interview Al gave with me. Jon said he hadn't. (You can see Al telling Jon about his advice at the opening of the clip.) Jon told me he didn't want to talk to me for the blog - "I'm not old enough." I said, "Don't worry. You're old enough." He laughed.

My friend walked over to the car - a Hasidic Jew with a long beard. Jon perked up, "Who's this?" I introduced him to Shmuly and I knew Jon would be hooked. He had been working with Chabad (the Lubavitcher Jewish organization) for years, helping them to raise money for their telethons. I remember when I worked for Jon, I asked him why he cared so much about the Jews. I said, "You're as goyish as it gets." He told me he wanted to be a Jew. I don't know if he meant it. But then he told me how much he loves Chabad and what they do, and he said that's why he helps. He genuinely cares about people who care. And, after he gave me his advice I knew I still liked the guy.

Jon Voight, Actor.

Academy Award Winner Errol Morris

2009-06-30T20:47:00.000-07:00

I worked on a KFC commercial today, which was directed by Errol Morris. He didn't tell any of the actors what we'd be doing in advance and he even went so far as to bar us from the sound stage so we couldn't hear the other actors working. Once I was in front of the camera, Errol's face appeared in the lens - a technique he invented in order for the subject to feel like he was talking directly to him (and therefore, the audience). He talked out lines, intimating with his tone how I should say them. I don't like being locked to a line reading so I often veered from the tone and toyed with different readings. Errol seemed to go with it. In fact, I felt like we were bonding without actually saying much more to each other than "$5.00 for all this? Wow. That's a good deal." But, maybe that's his talent.

I had heard he could be tough on set, but he was far from it. He put his tray down to eat with the actors, which I've never seen when working on commercials. When I told him about this project, he asked me what kind of advice I had gotten. I said, "Get a good job," seemed to be a big theme. He nodded... in agreement?

I had seen a couple of Errol's documentaries and before the shoot I read up on his life. He was born in Hewlett, NY in 1948. I was born next door to Hewlett - in Woodmere. I know it's my sad desperation for a father figure to want to connect to a man who is a contemporary of my dad and who's also a New York Jew from the same town. I found myself feeling the need to "push" conversation during lunch. I felt embarrassed when he walked away because I realized how much I wanted him to like me.

During shooting, I asked Errol if I could interview him before I went home. He said, "I could be open to that, if there's time." After I was wrapped, I ran to get my camera. Errol just had me dancing like a lunatic all over the sound stage and I was winded. Another actor was getting into position and I only had a short window to talk to him. He was meeting with his producer to go over some agency notes and as soon as there was a break in the conversation, I grabbed him. I was out of breath and felt a little rushed, so I know I could have done a much better job (or at least a slightly better job) with a little bit of time. But, such is the life of a documentarian as Errol knows well. We talked for a minute and then I clicked on the camera. I mentioned my dead dad. Oy, I'm pitiful. Why can't I stop talking?! Errol ended the video with a strongly worded, "And if you're in this business... find an alternative." And then, just as I'm clicking off the camera, he smiled slightly and said, "You did great today." I thanked him and went to shake his hand. He gave me a hug.

Errol Morris, Director.

Choose Your Company

2009-06-27T23:58:00.000-07:00

Olive was at the Beverly Center with her grandkids today. I heard her speaking while going down the escalator and was excited to hear a Jamaican accent. I grew up in Miami with a lot of Jamaicans and oddly, even with my New York-inflected family, it reminds me of home. It turns out she lives just north of Miami and was only visiting Los Angeles for the weekend.

Olive uses a cane to assist her in walking, so her grandson asked if I could interview her after we got downstairs and away from the crowd. We tucked into a little hall by the parking garage to talk. "I have medical problems," she told me. I thought she'd complain of the difficulty in walking but she continued, "and everyting I eat tastes awful." I said, "I couldn't imagine not tasting my favorite Jamaican dishes - ackee and salt fish, jerk chicken, and curry patties." She said no matter how spicy or flavorful she can't taste it. Then she remembered. "Cayenne pepper. That's my other advice. I put it on everyting now."

Just Be Happy

2009-06-27T22:54:00.000-07:00

I was at my friend, Yitzy's building today. There's a pool there. On 85 degree sunny, summer days like today it's great to have access to a pool. And when he's not there, I just sneak in.

There was one older woman at the pool today - that's it. Odd to think there was a time I would chase young women and now I find myself running after any old people I see. Yitzy spotted her first and called me over. To pay him back, I later started a conversation with a couple of bikini-clad sun bathers who just moved here from Florida to become fashion designers. I chatted for a bit, told them I was married, and then excused myself so Yitzy could do his thing. I think it was a fair trade.

Shirley's a widow who lost her husband a year and a half ago. When I asked her for advice the first thing she did was tell me about her husband, who "I miss very much." She said, "If I told you what my husband made a week when we first got married you wouldn't believe it. He made $50 a week and we lived in a brand new house in the Bronx that was $105 a month. That was living high. That was what he wanted for me." She continued proudly, "It was right next door to the Concourse Hotel. And that was elite. That was class. And that's what my husband wanted to give me - class."

She worked for one year in her entire life. Her husband made sure to give her whatever she wanted. Married for 63 years, you think she'd fall apart after his death but I didn't get that sense at all. She glowed, she joked, she enjoyed being outside. Her husband was her world, but when he died her world kept on going. A spitting image of Shirley was sitting next to her - one of her two daughters.

David's Five Pillars of Life: Nature, Friends, Music, Food, and Art

2009-06-26T20:02:00.000-07:00

My wife and I are at Pan Pacific Park playing with our dog when David walks over with his dog, Totoro (named after the Hayao Miyazaki film, My Neighbor Totoro). While talking to us he throws out a nice piece of advice so I ask him if I can film him. He says, "Would it be okay if we did it another time? I'm in a rush." He then proceeds to give me his home address so I can stop by. I say, "It'll only take 30 seconds," and so he agrees. I film him, he tosses out some words of wisdom, and then I thank him for his time. Curious for some back story I ask, "Where are you from?" He says, "Oh, that might take awhile." I start to sit, assuming he'll rush off but instead he stands there; and suddenly over an hour has gone by while David walks me through the place of his birth up until retirement.

The quick version is that this Texas-born 72-year-old lived most of his life working as an art historian. His father worked on oil wells. David managed to get to Berkeley University in 1960, at a time when it was easy to get grants for "weird professions like mine." He loves Asian culture and that was what he studied and later taught. He spent years traveling (all with various grant money) through India, Cambodia, Thailand, and much of South Asia. When most did drugs, he leaned towards drinking and spent a great deal of time in jazz clubs in Detroit. Retired, he now lives in LA because his wife works as a UCLA Librarian; but he misses Austin, Texas and would love to go back. "My wife's the business manager and I'm the entertainment manager in the relationship," he tells me. I recommend a blues club to him - Babe's and Ricky's Inn - where I tell him he needs to hear Mickey Champion sing. He's excited to write it down and gives me his number if ever I want to accompany him. At some point in the conversation I jokingly say, "David, I thought you were in a rush?" He says, "Well, now you've got me talking. Dinner can wait. This has been fun."

It's nice getting to know new people. But, I think there's another reason why I do this. It makes the people I talk to feel happy. All of us walk through life lonely at times - but especially those on the fringes, like the elderly. And while they're enriching my life, I'm hopefully giving them something, as well. Maybe it's a voice to the oft-ignored, or just the simple act of letting someone know that the things they say matter.

David, Age 72.

Don't Give In

2009-06-26T17:20:00.000-07:00

Before I officially started this blog I was sitting on the stoop with Frank and Abe talking about life. Wanting to capture it, but not having a camera, I asked them for some advice using the video camera on my cell phone. I clipped the end of the video which is basically a minute of Abe not understanding what I'm asking and Frank trying to explain it in Yiddish - "Lebe meisseh," which I think translates to Life Story. Abe says, "A story? No, I don't want it. Leave me alone." And, Frank cracks up. I thought he was upset but two seconds later he's telling me a story (which sadly I didn't capture on camera). Abe ended up being my first official interview for the blog.

I saw Abe yesterday and I told him that a lot of people have emailed me to let me know how much they like him. He said, "You found work for this? Good." He doesn't care about the fans. He just wants to make sure I'm working. I'm too embarrassed to tell him I don't get paid to do this. I just like it. He followed with, "You need to have babies." When I asked him why, he responded, "Because it will make you a happy life!"

Frank and Abe.

Be Happy With What You've Got

2009-06-24T13:02:00.000-07:00

After a week of interviewing older people I'm learning that it's pretty damn hard to walk over to people on the street holding a camera. Some are open to it, but many are nervous - and rightfully so. So, I call my friend, Chaiky and ask if I can interview some people she knows on her block. After a couple of No's, Yehuda pops open the door and immediately starts talking.

He immigrated from Iran in the late 1950's and worked as an engineer and a landscaper. A divorcee, he says he regrets marrying so late in life - 37. And, he tells me that if he could do it all over again he would have studied poetry and music. "I was too focused on the rat race, the capitalist pursuits. Now, I study Iranian literature." His favorite poet is Rumi. I get the feeling that Yehuda misses having a family. As we turn to leave he reminds Chaiky, "You have the greatest thing right there. Your baby."

The Screenwriter

2009-06-22T18:16:00.000-07:00

Al lives on one end of the block and I live on the other. He's a cantankerous guy when he wants to be but it usually just makes me laugh. He once came up to my apartment to take a look at some footage I had been shooting. He used to make a living as a screenwriter and when I told him a friend and I were filming a TV pilot on spec (meaning no one hired us to do it), he said he wanted to check it out. He watched some footage for a few minutes and then said, "That's enough. What the hell is this? This isn't how you tell a story!" I told him he was watching a scene - out of order and without context. He didn't care. He railed into me, leaving my writing partner and me speechless. Later that night, I got a call from Al saying he hoped he wasn't too harsh. I said, "It doesn't bother me, Al. I appreciate the honesty." Some time later, Al saw me on the street and asked me about the pilot. I told him it won Best Comedy at the LA ITV Fest and was just bought by Starz. He said, "Huh... you see? What the hell do I know?"

I interview Al in his apartment, after he shows me some footage from the new release of a 1982 movie he wrote called Lookin' To Get Out starring (and co-written by) Jon Voight. The director's cut was never released as Hal Ashby had a fight with the studio and donated it to USC in order to have it be seen the way he intended. Al's excited about the release, as he's struggled for a really long time and it's nice for any of us to see our work get recognized - even after 37 years. "Jon's been a very good friend to me," Al says in the softest voice I've heard him ever use. But it doesn't take long for him to toughen up. Asking to see the footage of what we just shot, he takes a look at it on the camera and says in reference to some of the other people on the blog, "Siberian prisoners... please." He watches himself some more, "I said some really profound stuff. This is great." And I know he means it.

Al Schwartz, Screenwriter - age 77.

Happy Father's Day

2009-06-21T18:33:00.000-07:00

The one person I'd really like to get advice from today is my dad. I guess that's partly what drives me to seek it out from others. When I was 16 my dad got non-smoking lung cancer. He died a year and a half later. He was 50. That would make him 67 today, and I think - even though he'd yell at me for it - I can throw him in this blog as an "old person."

My career's had ups and downs... fine, more downs than ups... but I'm persistent. And, I got that from him. He was a partner at Ernst & Young and he worked hard for it. He was a great father to the four of us, and a great husband to my mom. He was also a lot of fun - he had a very silly side, which I guess is where I got it. I remember he found this quote from Calvin Coolidge and he cut it out and pinned it up for us to see: Nothing in the world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with great talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent.

I miss him a lot today.

The Patient Framer

2009-06-20T16:24:00.000-07:00

Bob's my framer. My Fast Framer. When I asked my wife to marry me in the Jewish Journal (www.jewishjournal.com), he framed the column. When I picked it up a few days later (so, they're not that fast), he said, "I hope you don't mind that I read it," as if he breached some kind of framer/framee trust. I laughed and told him, "Don't worry. You're not the only Jew who read it." He wanted me to know how much he liked it. 67's not so old, but I figure he has lived long enough to warrant doling out some advice. Bob used to be a mortgage broker until he had a heart attack in 1987. Tired of the stress, he found a new profession selling wholesale art. The recession in 1993 hurt his business and he needed to find something new. He learned about framing and he liked it. Eight years ago he took a job at Fast Frame and he's really happy with what he does. As he says at the end of the video, "... my end of days working, this is a good place to end it - if I decide to end it... but I'm not ready yet."

Bob, The Framer

Homeless Barbara

2009-06-20T14:10:00.000-07:00

Barbara has been standing outside of Western Kosher market on Fairfax begging for money for many years. I have always had mixed views on beggars. I want to help yet I also worry that I'm feeding into different addictions and I end up enabling the addiction more than the recovery. Though with Barbara there are no signs of alcohol or drug addiction. She used to beg with a hunchbacked woman who would offer a blessing in Yiddish after you'd give her money. I liked the give and take. With Barbara, you don't get much in return. But maybe that's the lesson needed to be learned. I didn't give her money at all this year since I saw her with a man at the Farmer's Market, an enormous stack of lottery tickets in her hand. One lottery ticket I can understand. But, $50 worth?! Yesterday, I decided to drop my prejudice and just hand her a dollar. Figuring it would go to a lottery ticket, I asked for something in return.

Barbara, Homeless.

A Quiet Life

2009-06-19T19:45:00.000-07:00

I love Frank. We met in the neighborhood and started taking walks together. It's difficult for him to walk but he pushes himself because he knows he needs to. I'll walk with him to the vegetable store at the end of our block and help him carry his groceries home. Or we'll go to Abe's apartment where we'll sit on the stoop and talk like three alter cockers. Frank never married. He told me that after he came out of the war he wasn't emotionally able to have a long term relationship. He confided in me later that he did have a girl he loved when he was 18. She was 16 and from a religious family. She would sneak out of her parents house to go to the Socialist party meetings in his Polish town of Lodz, where Frank first laid eyes on her. Too shy to speak, he didn't have the courage to approach her. "I was always an introvert," he told me. One day the Germans were "putting shells in buildings" and he found a hiding place from the shootings. The girl he had been too scared to talk to hid in the same place. They soon fell in love but as the war got worse, Frank planned his escape. The girl's little sister showed up with a gift for Frank to take with him on his journey - a beret. Frank heard that his first and only love was sent to Auschwitz. Not wanting to deal with the horror, she ended her life by running into an electric wire. Frank told me, "I still have dreams about her."

Frank escaped to Russia, where he first worked in a Kazakhstan factory - and at 18, while using a planer, he chopped off the first digit on the pointer finger of his left hand. He went to a doctor, wrapped up the finger, and was back at work. Some time later, his shoes fell apart. Not being able to work without shoes, he stayed home for about two weeks. After much difficulty, he found a place which sold him shoes that were made out of used clothing and then attached to a piece of wood. He had to shuffle his feet to walk because the wood didn't bend. But he could go back to work - and he went right back to the factory where he continued to make store fixtures.

Weeks later, someone came in to arrest Frank. It turns out that Russia had instituted a law against anyone who didn't work, and he was reported for having not worked those two weeks when he didn't have any shoes. He was held for days without food inside of a tiny barn-like room with armed guards stationed outside. Eventually, because his store fixtures factory was owned by a railroad company which was in turn owned by the military, he was put on trial in a military tribunal. He explained that he had no shoes but he lost the case and was sentenced to six years in prison. "Do you understand?!" they shouted in disgust. He was in shock. He was shuttled from prison to prison, eventually landing in Siberia - the Gulag - where he became so sick he almost died. But, when Russia decided to invade Poland he was freed. He had torn up his Russian papers, thrown them in the toilet, and managed to get Polish ones. Russia, desperately wanting Poles to help fight in the war, released the Polish prisoners.

Frank has so many amazing stories and after the war he found his dad (still alive after the concentration camps) and they eventually settled in Los Angeles. Frank worked until retirement, making cabinetry for a factory in downtown, while he and his father shared the upper level of a duplex he was able to buy after working for a few years.

I walked by his apartment tonight, after having a pretty tough few days myself, and he told me this story which always helps me get things in perspective. And, of course, I also asked him for advice. Thankfully, although he tells me he's too shy to talk on camera, he was willing to do this for me. When we were done, he said, "I'm appreciative that I'm still alive after all I went through."

Frank, age 88.