Pearls of Wisdom

I know, I know... I said I was done.  But, "just when I thought I was out... they pull me back in."

I received an email from someone working with a British charity called Jewish Care, which helps support struggling Jews, mainly in London and South East England.  They put together a campaign called Pearls of Wisdom, which (to quote them), "aims to change the perception of elderly people in society and encourage the younger generation to recognise and engage with the wisdom and life experiences that our elders have to offer."

I wanted to ignore the email--I'm juggling enough projects as it is--but after seeing the video I had to share it.  The HD images are beautiful and the video's really charming.  I think that might be the first time I've used charming in a sentence.  At least in that context.  I'm not sure how I feel about it.  But I am sure about how I feel about this video.  Check out the two minute version below.  If you're interested in seeing more, go to their YouTube site: http://www.youtube.com/user/JewishCareCharity

Time To Say Goodbye:

I've written over 100 posts and interviewed almost as many old people... and I think it's time to say goodbye.  I'll leave the site up--maybe I'll even update it every once in a blue moon--but it's time for me to move on.  If anyone wants to add their own videos and keep this project going, email me at: lifeadvicefrom@gmail.com and I'd be happy to post your videos and stories on the site.

I think I've asked enough people for advice--and if there's anything I've learned through all of this, it's that I'm doing all right so far.  I'm happily married, I have the greatest kid in the world, and I like most of the choices I've made for myself.  I've made mistakes--and I'll make many more--but I'll keep trying to better myself.  And I'm not afraid to ask for help when I need it.  I have friends whose careers I envy, and they look at me and envy my family.  We joke about how we each have our struggles.  But rather than complain (fine, I complain... but rather than often complain), I just keep working harder.  And I've decided to start a new project to help all of my friends who aren't happy being single.

My new blog is called mysinglepeeps.com and I will try at least once a week to post a new single person on my site, and hopefully they can find someone to love and spend the rest of their lives with.  In the short time it's been active, I've already set up many friends with dates.  If I could see even just one happy marriage come out of this, I'd be ecstatic.

I'm so thankful to all of you from all over the world who have written to me, written about me, or just quietly enjoyed the advice of those who are in the final chapters of their lives.  This has been a really rewarding experience for me.  I wish the best to all of you.

-seth menachem

The Actor:

I was in a one-act play that my father-in-law, Roy, wrote.  It was a comedy where I play a pickpocket at a train station who tries to rob an old lady—it ends with her turning the tables on me, conning me out of all my loot, and scaring me away from her territory.

It wasn’t the smoothest run as the old lady in the play, Shannon—who has been acting since she was eight-years-old—couldn’t remember her lines.  It’s a problem she says she’s never had.  But she had a lot of lines—some of them monologues—and not a lot of rehearsal, so I understood her trouble.  At one point on the stage while fumbling for her lines, she ad-libbed, “Well, I’m just going to sit here,” and folded her arms while I struggled to find my way out of it.  Not easy.  But it was a great lesson in improvisation, and after that, no matter how often Shannon forgot her lines, she never threw me under the bus again.  She just kept moving.  And she knows how to command a stage.  I felt sorry for her that she was so frustrated and hard on herself.  She wondered if age had something to do with her forgetfulness—if at 88, she could no longer do any plays because her memory wasn’t what it used to be.  And then she came in to the theater one night and said, “I figured it out.  I spoke with a therapist friend and he explained it to me.  I’m having anxiety.”  So instead of hanging up her acting hat, she's decided to work on her anxiety.  And it’s a good thing, because we were voted the best out of our group, and I’d like to use her in something one day.  That is, if I can afford her. 

A widower for seven years, she has two kids—one’s an actor and the other’s a veterinarian.  She went to the University of Texas for undergraduate school, and then got a graduate degree from Yale.  She met her husband in New York, and then they moved out to California together.  Although it’s hard to be a widow, she keeps herself extremely busy.  She was in the movie, Inception, and the TV shows, True Blood and Mad Men—and that’s just a few of the things she’s done in the last year.  Jay Leno uses her repeatedly in his sketches—in fact, she was a little late to one of our rehearsals because she was busy working on The Tonight Show. 

She’s a really great actor, and I’m glad I got the chance to work with her.  I’m also glad—though I wasn’t at the time—that I got to see her when she was struggling.  I’m sorry she went through it, but she’d be happy to know I learned something while watching her.  I learned how anxiety builds on itself and how sometimes, no matter how hard we prepare—and Shannon really works hard on her craft—you need to toss it away and just go with the flow.  Shannon forgot something, which luckily she figured out on our very last show.  She learned to trust herself.

Shannon, age 88.

It's a Weak Mind That Gets Bored

As I get busier and busier with trying to make a living, stumbling my way through new fatherhood, and wasting a lot of time online, I decided to link to other people's interviews when I can.

A friend came across this video clip on a blog called http://andiamnotlying.com/  You can read the author's introduction to his 95-year-old grandmother, as well as the backstory to the video, here:

We all feel bored at times so I loved her advice: It's a weak mind that gets bored.  If I can't find something to interest me, it's out of laziness.  And I can be very lazy.  How lazy?  I just realized my friend sent me this link in November of 2009.

Fifty Pounds

I got an email from a guy working with Accidentsdirect.com, which is apparently a personal injury company in the UK.  They offered me fifty pounds (I can't find the "pound" sign on my American keyboard but I do know that it's worth more than the dollar) to promote a new informational guide informing the elderly how to avoid injuries in the winter.  I feel like teaching people how to avoid injury can really get in the way of your profits if you're a company who makes money off of people's injuries, but I'm not a businessman.  I'm just a guy who can use fifty pounds.  And I'm guessing they just want to drive people to the site.  But I read the informational guide and it looks pretty harmless.  If you're elderly or want to read about how to help the elderly avoid an injury in the winter, then click here.  As for the other seasons, you're on your own.

http://www.accidentsdirect.com/ways-to-avoid-winter-injuries-for-the-elderly.aspx

Letter From A Reader:

Last week, I got a couple of emails from a guy named Chris Reid, which I thought I'd share (with his permission):

Seth,
 
Thanks so much for your blog.  I have a deep respect for the elderly; specifically for the wisdom they have to give and all the obstacles they have overcome in life.  If we would all just stop and listen to them, we could save ourselves so much heart ache.  Thank you so much for your work to compile this wisdom in such a fun and easily accessible way.  For anyone who has eyes to see, you are handing out gold bricks with every entry.
 
In my own search for wisdom, I have recently come across two articles of a bit of advice from the elderly.  I thought you might enjoy reading them. 

How Grandma's Advice Changed My Life
http://www.chabad.org/library/article_cdo/aid/1107560/jewish/How-Grandmas-Advice-Changed-My-Life.htm
 
Most People are Depressed for a Very Good Reason
http://www.violentacres.com/archives/169/most-people-are-depressed-for-a-very-good-reason/
 
Thanks again for your work.  I was sorry to read about your mother-in-law's passing.  She looked like a great person and a lot of fun.
Take care.
 
- Chris


My story is that I recently graduated from seminary in Portland, OR to become a pastor.  I am a Christian of the non-denominational persuasion.  I recently moved back home to Tulsa, OK and am in the process of trying to nail down a position at a church.  I've had a little more time on my hands than normal and was literally Googling for advice from old people and made my way to your site.  It has taken me a while, but I've slowly worked my way through all your entries.  You have a very comfortable writing style.  Very honest.  Very warm to read.  I hope you get as many breaks as possible to apply yourself and the genuine tone you bring to storytelling.  But the videos man; the videos are priceless.  I love hearing old people talk.  The older the better.  It's the best advice you can find.  And they're not looking for our approval about what they have to say.  I love it.  I could talk about it for a long time.

Here's one for you.  My grandfather passed away in 2005.  I was living in Nashville, TN at the time.  I called the hospital room about 20 min after my grandfather passed away and was able to speak to my grandma on the phone.  She was still in the room with the dead body of her husband of 60 years laying there.  I don't remember much from that conversation but I do remember at one point she leaned into the phone and said, "See, that's the thing about getting older."  I said, "What?"  She said, "You can't be a sissy."  It made me laugh, b/c she was kind of a spit fire and I love that kind of grit.  When life turns up the heat you just look it straight back in the eye.  What she was getting at was that as you get older you have absolutely no idea what's going to happen to you.  You could outlive all your friends.  Die quickly.  Lose your mind.  Be bored for a long time.  Get a disease that kills you slow.  Or go out in a flame.  You just don't know.  But I love that advice.  Just because you're coming to the end of your life doesn't mean you can get soft, it means you have to deal with some of the most difficult things you will face.  My grandma died 2 years later in 2007.  She was 84.  In the last few weeks of her life she kept asking for a calendar over and over again.  She died on Feb 13, 2007.  The exact same day her husband died to years prior.  Ha.  I love that grit.

Take care bro and keep up the good work.

The Savant

I first met David in shul, the Chabad of Los Feliz, many years ago.  He retired from a lifetime career at the post office, never married, lives alone, and plays the piano as a hobby for people in retirement homes.  I'm guessing he falls somewhere along the autism spectrum, though he's extremely high functioning.  He also has an amazing ability to remember dates.  I've tested him many times and he's never wrong.  No matter how far back you go, he'll tell you the day of the week.  And if it was in his lifetime, he can often tell you what happened on the date you give him.  He's told me about a story he read in the paper on that particular day, or about some event in his life.

He loves my wife and lights up when he sees her.  The first thing he did when we bumped into him at Yogurtland, was ask Carrie if her birthday was September 16, 1976.  When she said it was, a childlike smile shot across his face.  I've never been happier watching another man flirt with my wife.

Hiatus

This is the longest I've ever gone without updating the blog and I'm sorry for those who have been following it closely.  My mother-in-law, Carol Battocchio, died a few weeks ago after a two and a half year battle with breast cancer.  Although she was an actress, and the more social one in her relationship, I never filmed her giving me advice for the website.  We made a few attempts but she was always in and out of chemotherapy and it never seemed to work out smoothly.  This is a lady who protested for the better treatment of Ruby the elephant at the LA Zoo...even when she had to stand alone, sign in hand.  She petitioned for the ban of gestation cages in California and it passed, so farmers now have to provide enough room for each animal to be able turn around and extend their limbs.  She was so caring and sweetly naive, that when I crank called her pretending to be from an organization which is raising money to provide heart-shaped cookies for lonely dogs on Valentine's Day, she gave me her credit card number to donate.  If you'd like to do something to honor her, please donate whatever you can in her name to a breast cancer charity, or to one of the many animal rights groups she was a part of.

Her husband and my father-in-law, Roy Battocchio, gave me advice over a year ago.  If you've never seen it, you should definitely check it out (Just click on his name to go to the link).  Recently, selections from this blog screened at the LA ITV Fest and it went over really well.  But Roy's video clip went over the best.  He's a man who always kept his sense of humor--even during the tough times--and people respond to that.  And now's the toughest time of all for him.

We imagine our lives will go a certain way, and when that's ripped out from under us it's hard to reconfigure.  But we've been pushing Roy to go back to his old routines: the gym, his theater group, writing his plays, and lunches with friends.  They remind him of the aspects of life he enjoys.  The hardest thing for him--and most of us--is allowing for change.  His life's changed so drastically that things will never be the same.  And when that happens you have to do the hardest thing there is to do--roll with it.  Even try some new things.  My mother (as well as all of us) went through a drastic life change after my dad died at age 50.  She was 48 and had to figure out a new life for herself.  She was forced to "throw out her plans," and start over.  It's scary as hell.  But even though the loss of a spouse (or parent, etc) will affect you for the rest of your life, it is possible to find a new kind of happiness.  My mom went back to school and became a social worker on the oncology floor of South Miami Hospital because, after caring for my father, she knew that she could make a difference in other people's lives as a result of what she went through.  And, she did make a difference.  She recently retired and took up volunteering at a program for teen mothers.  Her most difficult hurdle was getting up the courage to date another man.  My dad was the only man she ever loved.  She couldn't picture herself with anyone else.  It took her fourteen years to finally go out with her new boyfriend, and though he'll never replace my dad (to her or me), they have a new relationship which makes the both of them happy.

I know Roy will find his way.  Humans are resilient people.  But I'm sorry for the pain he (and my wife and sister-in-law) feel right now.  And although there's nothing I can do to make it better, I can remind Roy of his own advice to me which is: Even in the worst of times, "keep a good sense of humor."

In Memory of Carol Ketay Battocchio
1944-2010

Learn From Your Mistakes

I didn't want this great advice getting lost in the first part of the interview I did with Al Scaglione so I edited it out and saved it for another time.  We all make mistakes and sometimes the hardest part of making a mistake is letting it go.  Al is very upfront about his mistakes.  He blames his lack of success as an actor on his inability to forgive himself for his mistakes.  He held on to bitterness which further hindered his career.  I've watched this video many times and it's one of the best pieces of advice anyone's given on this site.  Rather than bore you with my rambling, I'll let Al speak for himself.  Take the thirty seconds to learn something:

Life Advice from Old People makes it into the ITV Fest!:

If you're in LA, please come support our first screening at the ITV Fest (itvfest.org).  Click HERE to get your tickets.