Trust In Each Other

Carrie and I went to Oahu, Hawaii as we've never been there and we thought it would be nice to take a trip before we had our first kid. Traveling with a pregnant chick is not always easy--they are often hungry, pee frequently, get winded walking from the elevator to the hotel room, and have the mood swings of a severe manic depressive. But if you feed them regularly, cater to their whims, ignore the mood swings, and tell them how beautiful they look almost eight months pregnant in a bikini, you can make a pretty nice trip out of it. We stayed at the Royal Hawaiian Hotel, which was really nice. I'm sorry I didn't interview more people as the hotel was replete with retirement-age folk. But we explored the island by car every day, ate in some really good restaurants like a local favorite, Irifune, and we snorkeled in Hanauma Bay.

We also checked out the Mormon run Polynesian Cultural Center. We decided to see the slightly corny Ha: Breath of Life while we were there, as a few people insisted that we go see it. It wasn't brilliant theater, but there were a few cool dance numbers--especially the ones which involved fire.

We chatted up a nice couple sitting behind us so I finally remembered to pull out my camera and ask them a few questions. Not having a light on me, the video came out terribly dark. I know it's not pretty to look at, but Walter and Lola are a really nice couple. They are native to Hawaii. Walter, a retired principal, is a fourth generation Hawaiian of Chinese descent. Lola, a retired teacher, is a third generation Hawaiian of Japanese descent. This is their second marriage, as Lola is a divorcee and Walter is a widower.

Lola and Walter, ages 70 and 75.

Use Your Instincts

When Mollie Pier had Carrie and I over for brunch about a month ago, I let David Silverstein talk to her about a problem he was having with his father. But I was curious if Mollie had any advice for Carrie and me, as we're due to have a baby April 2nd and we'll take any help we can get.

We're off to Hawaii tomorrow for what I imagine will be our last vacation together for awhile. Unlike other vacations, though, this one already feels different. Carrie's got her maternity bathing suit ready--we're convinced that there's almost no buzz kill worse than seeing a pregnant chick laying out on the beach--and my vacation book is The Baby Whisperer Solves All Your Problems (She better!). We were cool once--we swear! We don't even have a kid yet and we're already going to be "that" couple on the beach. You know--the couple who uses the strongest sunblock on the market, screams at each other for forgetting the sandwiches, and asks the youngsters next to them to "please throw the Frisbee somewhere else because it's getting dangerously close to hitting us." Hopefully this kid of ours will be pretty hip because I'm guessing we'll need the help.

When Life Gives You Lemons...

About a month ago, Mollie Pier invited my wife and I to brunch at her house. She also invited David Silverstein, a friend who first introduced me to Mollie. David's a gay orthodox Jew who was one of the subjects in the film, Trembling Before G-d, which explored the subject of being both a religious Jew and a homosexual - and how to make peace with two seemingly conflicting worlds. After years of struggle, David seems to be finding peace. But David's mother passed away four years ago and he recently put his aging father into an assisted living facility in his hometown of Chicago. His father, after losing his wife of 52 years, has given up on life. And now David is weighed with the burden of a father who no longer wants to live. Unsure if there's anything else he can be doing to help his father, he turned to Mollie for help.

Hattie's Response

I wrote Hattie to let her know that I put up her interview on the site. She wrote me back:

Terrific! Thank you. Of course I self-promote. How else will anyone know that sex gets better with age? Or, at least, no worse! That's not a common belief, and I'm out to shatter the prevailing image that aging turns we older beauties (Cougars) into repulsive, undesirable old hags. My college lecture is specifically targeted to help young people get their sexuality to come (cum) alive..."Everything You Need to Know About Sex and Come Out On Top!" You were a bit derisive in your description of me, but that's understandable, as your take on older, sexually active women mirrors the way society treats/views us. That's about to change, and, at 73, I'm fortunate to be on the front lines of that battle. Enjoyed meeting you, and had fun viewing and sharing the video. Thank you again.

Ciao,
Hattie

I saw her email early in the morning and read my post again. Was I judging Hattie because she was a sexual woman in her 70's? I thought about it and then responded:

You're absolutely right that we all think it's okay for older men to sleep with younger women but the reverse always seems shocking. You're beautiful and funny and there's no reason it should be surprising. But, that's not what I was responding to. I think I was responding more to the way everything you or I said immediately became sexual and it felt attention seeking. But I was treating you like an equal - not a batty old lady. I'm always thrown when young girls do it, too. It bothers me because it's as if they think they have nothing else to impress men with so they go right to their "sexual" place. But, you wrote a good letter and if I gave anyone a bad impression, I'm sorry. And, if you'd like me to I'd be happy to post your letter up in the next post b/c I think you did a good job of explaining where you were coming from. I felt badly after reading it and although I was up late last night I quickly woke up to write you :). Thank you for explaining yourself and let me know if you want me to post your response so people can further see how intelligent you are and your raison d'etre.

And her reply to me:

What a caring reply. I appreciate that. YES, please publish it. Seth...as to where I'm cuming from (intended misspelling), I've been overly involved with sexuality for my entire life. (kinda like a guy!) As such, you can imagine how delightfully shocking it is for me to be as vibrantly sexual now, in my 70's, as I've ever been. One important note. I strongly believe that women who surgically alter themselves to look younger and/or to be appealing to men are making a dreadful mistake. It's authenticity, integrity, resplendent health and courage that make for great sex. As I say in my Hattietude -- "Face lifts are like potato chips...you can't have just one!"

Thank you again, and keep up the good work,
Hattie (my dad was a hatter!)

By the way, there are many, many young people who think and act like "traditional" old people...and I'm out to correct that with my college lecture, "Everything You Need to Know About Sex and Come Out On Top!)

Cheers, and keep it goin'

Have a Lot of Sex

On a Virgin America flight heading back to LA from NY, I met this quirky woman standing at the back of the plane. She didn’t need to use the bathroom. She wanted to talk…to anyone. Having nothing else to do on a cross country flight, I was happy to oblige.

Hattie loves to talk about sex. She’s written a few books – “published,” she interjects, though when I look them up I find that they’re all self-published. They’re available for purchase on Amazon.com. She’s got a website, and a 35-year-old boyfriend who I imagine has more difficulty keeping up with her than the other way around. Her books, her website, and her boyfriend all feed into her philosophy of staying young. One of her books is called “Retroage: 4 Steps to a Younger YOU!” Her website claims she “turned aging from being a depressing downward spiral into a joyous, youth-filled adventure.” And her boyfriend is her trophy to show the world and herself how age hasn’t stopped her from enjoying life. Although a bit over the top, she does seem truthful. Clearly desperate for attention, she went topless on Howard Stern for one of his on-air stunts. But, maybe there’s more to it than what’s on the surface. On one hand, she’s a shameless self-promoter trying to hawk her books and her courses. On the other hand, she’s still a senior citizen who’s done a really good job at keeping herself busy at a time when most are slowing down. Her energy speaks for itself. She tells me she has “a lot of sex,” as well as works out every day, eats organically, and is a vegetarian. When we met, she was on her way to LA for a boot camp in how to lecture to college-aged people. She wants to teach the world how to “take on” aging. Maybe she's on to something.

Hattie, age 73.

Smile Openly and Warmly

I met Onnik on my way out of Le Pain Quotidien one morning. Onnik was born in Jerusalem, a Christian Armenian whose parents escaped the genocide in Armenia. He left Jerusalem as the wave of Jews were escaping their own genocide at the hands of the Nazis. He’s seen the faces of people who have had the worst kind of suffering.

It’s hard for me to approach strangers and ask them if they wouldn’t mind giving me advice on life… and can I film it for a website? If I’m not already in a natural conversation it’s a difficult thing to do “cold.” Sometimes I try to “cold read” people. And that’s what I did with Onnik. You can see in his body language that he’s an available participant in life. He likes to talk to people and he smiles openly and warmly. His wife of 47 years smiles politely and tautly, no wrinkles in the eyes as it’s forced. I spoke to her off camera – a nice woman, but one who needs to know people well before she lets her guard down and speaks comfortably. When I attempted to film her, she stiffly shook her head. Onnik on the other hand, gave me a smile which ran all the way up to his wrinkled eyes, and then he opened himself up to me. Once again, it’s not necessarily the advice that teaches me the most about people and how to live my own life. Like my last interview, I’ll probably soon forget what Onnik said to me. But I won’t forget his smile and the idea that it’s important to remain open and available to people, even when you’ve seen the worst that people can do.

Stay Busy

Rachel Miller, a friend and founder of Tom Sawyer Entertainment, asked me to go interview her grandfather, Albert who was in town from Chicago. A mostly-retired CPA, he lives part-time in Los Angeles so he can spend time with his grandkids. I drove over to his house right before Shabbat as he's more of a traditional Jew and he tries to keep the Sabbath with his family. But Shabbat seems to be the only traditional thing about Albert.

Eight years ago he saw an ad in the LA Weekly for “Senior Improv.” He checked it out and loved it. When he got back to Chicago he signed up for improvisation classes at IO, and now performs in retirement homes and on cruise ships. He’s also started teaching an improv comedy class for other seniors. He’s started a blog, joined Facebook, and runs a Men’s Club. And he’s 85-years-old. Almost every day of the week he is either teaching or learning. He retired from work but still keeps a couple of clients. He’s the president of his condo board. He’s studying writing. And he continues to run a club for couples on the weekends with his wife of 63 years.

Someone asked me if I remember any of the advice people give me. I said that I remember the good advice but it’s not necessarily about the actual advice. As time goes by, I won’t remember everything Albert said to me. But I will remember that he’s the kind of guy who doesn’t waste a day. He doesn’t let age stop him from continually learning and doing things. I imagine his wife, Ruth doesn’t either but I wouldn’t know for sure. He seems to do the talking for the two of them.

Albert:



Ruth and Albert:

How To Be a Boss

I've been pretty busy lately, working on a TV show Avi Rothman and I created for Starz. We're writing five episodes for them, with the hope they'll pick up the series. It's based on our original pilot, Partners. The experience in a writer's room has been amazing and we're working with a great team. The episodes are also coming out pretty damn funny.

Yet, no part of my job requires me to be well groomed. We sit around a table, work on the episodes together, and then do a lot of writing on our own. We snack incessantly. I've grown a bigger stomach than my wife who's 5 1/2 months pregnant. Good times.

But my 90-year-old neighbor, Abe cannot wrap his head around the idea that I never shave. One morning, I groggily got out of bed to walk the dog. I was exhausted, as I wrote until the early morning and hadn't gotten a lot of sleep. But, when Abe stopped me to let me know that I better quickly take a shave before I got to work, I had to get it on camera.

Abe, age 90.

Come to Vegas When You're a Lot Younger Than I Am

Sharon and her best friend, Karen have been friends for over 30 years. They had kids around the same time and their kids are also best friends. They both came to Vegas from Jefferson City, Missouri with their husbands... who they promptly ditched to spend the day together.

Sharon, age 66.

Life Advice Viewer Submission - #2

Matthew Cardarople shot a short film about his grandparents, focusing on his 92-year-old grandfather, Philip. A lover of baseball and a coach of a Depression-era baseball team, Matt's family treated Philip to a gift for his birthday -- a day at the Red Sox Fantasy Camp. It's my favorite moment in the film and a great tribute to someone Matt loved and respected (Philip passed away two weeks after getting to fulfill his dream of hitting a ball at Fenway Park). I suggest that any of you who still have your grandparents living, take advantage of the opportunity and ask them questions, take notes, or film the experience. It's an amazing thing to have when they're gone.

A clip from "The Old Boy":

A clip from Matthew Cardaroples documentary short, "The Old Boy". from matthew cardarople on Vimeo.